Most people going through divorce experience some degree of sadness and depression, this is normal as it is part of the grieving process. As you grieve the end of your long-term relationship it is normal to go through intense sadness, lack of sleep and loss of motivation. When you come to face the reality empty feelings and grief present itself in a deeper level.
This depressive condition seem as though it will last forever. It is not mental illness but a clear response to great loss; for some time you may not feel like getting out of bed, do normal tasks, or even interact with friends. Sadness and loneliness may hang around for quite a while as you grieve the end of your marriage. Going through divorce is tough and no matter how prepared you may think you are you are never ready enough for the impact it causes. You may try to break down what has happened in order to understand your pain and make it go away. This can lead to many destructive thoughts, from how things could’ve gone differently to placing the blame entirely on yourself. You may feel unable to settle your feelings and thoughts, you swing from being hopeful to feeling utter despair – you may feel like you will never get back on your feet again and feel totally hopeless.
There isn’t a correct order to your feelings, confusion and mixed feelings are normal – respect and validate them, allow them to flow; take it easy on yourself; divorce is hard, this is a major shift in your life, so you need time to grieve; even if you were the one initiating the divorce.
Ways to cope:
Don’t ignore your feelings. It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, fear, and confusion; it is important to identify and acknowledge those feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only hinder your healing process and stop you from moving on. Accept your grief, grieving is the process that will restore your broken heart. Sit with your emotions and validate them, understand what’s going on inside of you. It is important to feel, deal, in order to heal.
Express those feeling. Cry the pain away, cry until you have no need to cry anymore, crying is the body’s natural way of releasing pain, so let those tears flow.
Talk to someone you trust, if it’s someone that has gone through the heartache of divorce even better, they can understand how you feel and assure you that it’s going to hurt for a while but you will eventually be okay.Â
Write down your emotions, go for long walks in nature, pray, meditate. It is very important to find ways to grieve and express your pain. Â
Give yourself time. Don’t be desperate to heal, give yourself time to process everything and deal with each emotion that comes to surface. You will stop crying and feel great again once you’ve released all the pain that has been trapped inside.
Remember that moving on is the end goal. Don’t dwell on what you’ve lost, focus on what you can gain and create from now on. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward in a healthy way. You want to move on in the best way, and this is by letting go of what cannot be changed. A good life that you’ve never experienced, realised or imagined before is ahead of you.
Aren’t you curious to know what lies on the other side of pain?
Remind yourself that you still have a future. When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams of a life together. After a breakup, it’s hard to let those aspirations go. But, as you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
 Grief can be paralysing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you will start moving on and seeing a new life emerging. One day it won’t hurt anymore and you will be in a good place in your life. Trust the process!
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