I’m sorry to hear that your child has been struggling since your divorce. In article you’ll find a brief guide of what to expect from their grief and what to do to help them.
Based on my research, and points shared by my clients, and also my own experience with my daughter, I have noticed some common reactions children exhibit when facing their parent’s divorce.
The Impact On Children When Parents Divorce
Divorce can have a significant impact on children, as it is a major life transition that interrupts their sense of safety and stability. Children may react to the heartache in various ways, and their reactions may depend on a variety of factors such as: age, temperament, the level of conflict they may have witnessed during the relationship and divorce process, and the quality of post-divorce parenting.
The list bellow shows the most common factors children exhibit when confronted with divorce:
- Emotional and psychological impact: Children may experience a wide range of emotions when going through this painful ordeal, emotions like sadness, anger, confusion, anxiety or sense of loss. They may express their emotions through heavy crying, irritability, withdrawal, and most likely, changes in their behaviour. They may also have difficulty adjusting to the new family structure and may also struggle with feelings of guilt or blame.
- Regression: Younger children may show regressive behaviors, such as bed-wetting, becoming more needy and clingy, thumb-sucking, or reverting to any behaviors they had outgrown. This can be a way of them seeking comfort and security during the upheaval of divorce.
- Lower self-esteem: Children may develop a negative self-image after divorce, they may feel a sense of rejection and believe that they are not lovable or worthy of love.
- Academic and behavioral changes: Divorce can disrupt children’s academic performance due to the emotional stress they experience. They may have difficulty concentrating, experience a decline in their grades, or exhibit behavioral problems at school. They may show changes in their behavior, such as acting out, rebelliousness, aggression, or withdrawal. It’s important to provide support and understanding during this time.
- Loyalty conflicts: Children may feel torn between their parents, they may feel afraid of having to choose between both parents. They may feel pressured to take sides or keep secrets – and this can create additional emotional distress.
- Blaming themselves: Children tend to believe that they are somehow responsible for the divorce. They may feel guilty, or believe that their behavior caused the marital breakup. Comfort your child and assure them that the divorce is not their fault, provide the reassurance and support they most need at this time, remind them of your love for them.
- Changes in relationships: Children may experience changes in their relationships with each parent. They may feel a sense of loss or confusion about the change in family dynamics. Encouraging positive co-parenting and maintaining open lines of communication between you and your ex husband can make this transition less painful for them.
- Long-term effects: While most children can adjust and adapt to the challenges of divorce, some may experience longer term effects on their emotional well-being and self-esteem.
- Relationship difficulties: Children of divorced parents may have trouble forming and maintaining relationships if they don’t get the necessary help and support. They may have trust issues, struggle with intimacy, or have a fear of commitment later in life, this can be due to factors such as a lack of positive role models for healthy relationships or unresolved emotional issues from their parents’ divorce.
Divorce is emotionally challenging for children, and they may need assistance in understanding and processing their feelings. Access to emotional support, such as counseling or therapy is crucial for children’s well-being and adjustment to the new family dynamic. Therapy can help them navigate through the complex emotions associated with divorce and develop healthy coping strategies.
Steps You Can Take To Help Your Child
It’s important to provide support and create a nurturing environment for your child during this difficult time. Here are some steps you can take:
- Encourage open communication: Encourage open and honest communication with your child. Let them know that you are there to listen and understand how they feel. Help them feel comfortable to express their emotions and concerns without being judged or criticised. Try to be available to listen and validate their emotions, and provide age-appropriate explanations about the divorce.
- Consistency and routine: Establish and maintain consistent routines and rules as much as possible to provide stability and a sense of security for your child. Certainty and stability can help children feel secure and provide a sense of normalcy amid the changes. Consistency in daily activities, rules, and expectations can provide a sense of stability for them.
- Co-parenting cooperation: As much as it may be difficult, strive on developing a positive co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse. Minimise conflict and create a united front in parenting decisions. Keep communication lines open regarding your child’s well-being and share information that can help support their adjustment.
- Reassurance and validation: Continually reassure your child of your love and support. Let them know that divorce is not their fault and that both parents will continue to love them and be there for them. Assure them that their feelings are valid and understandable. Provide consistent reassurance that they are safe, loved, and supported.
- Encourage expression of emotions: Help your child express their emotions in healthy ways. Teach them healthy coping strategies to manage stress and emotions. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, write in a journal, draw, or engage in activities that promote emotional expression.
- Take care of yourself: It’s important to prioritise your own well-being as well. By taking care of yourself physically and emotionally, you can be better equipped to support your child. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups to help you navigate through your own emotions.
- Seek professional support if needed: If your child’s behaviour or emotional well-being continues to be a concern, consider seeking professional help. A child therapist or counsellor can provide valuable support and guidance tailored to your child’s specific needs.
Each child will react differently with their pain, so it’s essential to observe and respond to their individual needs. It’s important to notice if the child is expressing their emotions or holding it in, maybe because they do not know how to grieve. Providing effective co-parenting, maintaining consistent routines, open communication, and access to counselling or support services can help mitigate the negative impact of divorce on your child. It’s important for you to prioritise their well-being and provide them with love, stability, and understanding during this difficult time.
Contact me for further support or for any other question you may have.