Normally after a breakup, specially us women that work more on the emotional side, tend to self-blame for the dysfunction in the relationship. “Maybe if I had done things differently it could’ve worked out.” It’s so easy to mentally torture ourselves.
But we have to look at things as how they are, or better, as how they were. We may have failed in some parts, of course, but we have to look at both sides and look at the real cause of the dysfunction in the relationship. Blaming yourself for things you shouldn’t have done prevents you from noticing what you did right and what you’ve gained from the experience.
Take responsibility for your failures but also know that at the time that was the only way you knew how to act and react. So, find a way of understanding and forgiving yourself. I know it’s not easy, but hey, is there anyone on earth that has never made a mistake that ended up regretting? We all make mistakes sometimes, whether in the heat of the moment or because we don’t know better at that moment. Use your guilt as a lesson and not as a punishment; guilt gives you the opportunity to improve and do better next time. Therefore, don’t torture yourself; instead, choose thought that will serve you and make you feel better.
Spend time in a quiet place so that you can acknowledge the gifts that you’ve gained from the relationship. Truly observe what you’ve learned and notice how it will serve you from here on.
I know it’s hard but try to be grateful for your experience, and think about what you can do differently next time. And then, when you start dating someone new you will notice that those lessons were a blessing, they came to teach you to do better and choose better, so that you can have a happier life experience. We are always growing and evolving, and still, we’ll always have room for more improvement, so be kind to yourself.