Blog

Divorce is a challenging experience, and navigating the recovery process requires careful attention to avoid common pitfalls that can hinder healing and growth. Although each person’s experience with divorce recovery is unique, there are common pitfalls that many individuals face during this process.

One common pitfall is the temptation to isolate oneself from others. While isolation can provide some individuals with solace and space to process their emotions, it can also be a common pitfall for many during divorce recovery. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained after a divorce, but withdrawing from social connections can intensify your feelings of loneliness and depression. Instead, it’s essential to reach out to close family members and friends, or support groups, as they can provide you with the support and guidance you need during this challenging time. By surrounding yourself with a supportive community, you can find strength and encouragement to navigate the challenges ahead.

Another common pitfall is getting stuck in a cycle of rumination and self-blame. It’s easy to fall into the trap of replaying past events and dwelling on what could’ve been done differently. Obsessing over past mistakes or assigning blame only serves to prolong feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on accepting what cannot be changed and direct your energy towards building a brighter future.

Furthermore, many people going through divorce struggle with unrealistic expectations about the recovery process. They may expect to bounce back quickly or feel pressure to get over their divorce as soon as possible. However, healing from divorce is a gradual and nonlinear process that takes time, patience, and self-compassion. It’s essential to give yourself permission to grieve, heal, and grow at your own pace, without comparing your journey to others or feel pressured to meet external timelines.

A related pitfall is neglecting self-care amidst divorce recovery. During the emotional turmoil of divorce, it’s easy to prioritize the needs of others or lose sight of one’s own well-being. However, self-care is crucial for maintaining physical, emotional, and mental health during this challenging time. Engaging in activities that promote relaxation, stress relief, and self-expression, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or creative pursuits, can help you manage your emotions and regain a sense of balance and stability.

Ultimately, one of the most significant pitfalls to avoid during divorce recovery is refusing to seek professional help when needed. While friends and family can provide valuable support, they may not always have the expertise or objectivity to address complex emotional issues. Therapy or counselling can offer a safe and confidential space for you to explore your feelings, gain insight into your experiences, and develop coping strategies for moving forward. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous step towards healing and personal growth.

In conclusion, navigating divorce recovery can be challenging, but by avoiding common pitfalls and prioritizing self-care, you can emerge from the process stronger, wiser, and more resilient than before. By seeking support, practicing self-compassion, and embracing the journey of healing, you can lay the foundation for a brighter future filled with hope, possibility, and newfound strength.

Contact me for further support or for any questions you may have.

In the journey of life, change is the only constant. It can be a powerful force for growth and transformation if approached with intention and purpose. One effective way to navigate and embrace change, especially when going through a massive change like divorce, is through the art of goal setting.

Setting personal goals amidst change provides a structured framework for the new path ahead, allowing you to channel the transformative energy that comes with life’s shifts. Here’s a closer look at how the process of goal setting can become a beacon of positivity in the face of change.

1. Clarity Amidst Uncertainty: Change often brings a sense of uncertainty. Setting clear and achievable goals provides a roadmap, offering direction and focus during times of confusion. These goals act as guiding stars, helping you stay on course even when the path seems unclear.

2. Empowerment in Transition: Change can be overwhelming, but establishing personal goals empowers you to take control of your narrative. It changes you from receiving change passively to actively engaging in it, fostering a sense of control and purpose.

3. Adapting to New Realities: Goals can be adjusted and realigned as circumstances evolve. Embracing change doesn’t mean rigidly resisting it; rather, it involves adapting goals to suit the new realities. This flexibility ensures that personal growth continues even in the face of unexpected shifts.

4. Motivation for Progress: Change may bring challenges, but goals create motivation for progress. Each small achievement becomes a stepping stone, motivating you to move forward. This sense of accomplishment fuels a positive mindset, contributing to resilience during times of change.

5. Cultivating Resilience: Goal setting is a practice in resilience. It teaches you to bounce back from setbacks, learn from experiences, and stay committed to your journey. Embracing change becomes a process of personal evolution, and resilience becomes a companion on your path.

Setting Short-Term Goals and Long-Term Vision:

Utilize the SMART principles to guide your goal creation process effectively. SMART is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. It’s a framework commonly used for setting effective goals. With these principles as a guide, you will be able to create your goals more effectively. The distinction between short-term objectives and long-term vision, helps you strike a balance between immediate progress and broad life aspirations.

Here’s what each letter represents:

• Specific: Goals should be clear and well-defined.
• Measurable: Goals should include criteria to measure progress and determine when they are achieved.
• Achievable: Goals should be realistic and attainable given the resources and constraints.
• Relevant: Goals should align with your overall objectives and contribute to your long-term vision.
• Time-bound: Goals should have a deadline or timeframe for completion to create a sense of urgency and accountability.

The process simply means:

1. Knowing what you want.
2. Make your goals clear and measurable.
3. Ensure your goals matter to you.
4. Set deadlines for your goals.
5. Break your goals into smaller steps.
6. Check your progress regularly.
7. Adjust your goals as needed.

Following these steps can help you create goals that are clear, achievable, and meaningful to you.

Crafting short-term objectives is simply about breaking down your long-term goals into manageable steps, creating momentum, and feeling a sense of achievement along the way. When formulating your long-term vision, identify your core values and ensure your vision aligns with your sense of purpose and personal mission. This holistic approach to goal-setting serves as a roadmap for making meaningful progress and finding fulfilment on your journey of personal growth.

In my book, ‘Embrace the Change: A Roadmap to Personal Growth and Resilience,’ I delve into the complexities of understanding change and explore its various dimensions. I introduce detailed insights, practical guidance, and a more comprehensive exploration of the transformative power of change, goal setting and other transformative practices.

If you still feel the necessity to delve deeper into the process of change, I invite you to take the next step. The book includes reflective exercises, providing valuable tools for self-reflection and growth. Whether you seek personalized guidance or wish to explore the profound insights within ‘Embrace the Change: A Roadmap to Personal Growth and Resilience,’ there are two paths forward. You can book a discovery call with me for tailored support on your journey, or you can get the book now to embark on your independent exploration of embracing change and setting goals for self-improvement, emotional well-being, and overall life satisfaction.

Contact me for further support or for any questions you may have.

Preview the book here

In times of hurt, when we face emotions shaping how we see things, a key decision appears – the decision to forgive. Forgiving isn’t just giving in, it’s a bold choice to break free from the chains of resentment. Recognize that forgiveness is a transformative journey, not merely a one-time event.

Forgiveness is a conscious decision, a deliberate choice to release the feelings of anger and bitterness that hold us back from happiness. It is not a denial of the pain but a refusal to let that pain define our present and future. By choosing forgiveness, we gain control and declare freedom from the pains of the past.

We discover a profound sense of power. It is not a loss of power, as some may fear, but a reclaiming of it. The power to choose how we respond to the wounds inflicted upon us, the power to transcend the limitations of hurt, and the power to shape our own story.

Forgiveness isn’t an instant process but a journey of letting go. It requires facing the pain, understanding its impact, and grieving to gradually release the emotional attachments that tie us to the past. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to our own well-being.

Choosing to forgive may be met with internal resistance. The wounded and protective ego may resist the vulnerability forgiveness requires. Handling this resistance involves understanding that the path to forgiveness is about understanding ourselves as much as those who hurt us.

The act of forgiving is, at its core, an act of self-liberation. As we let go of resentment, we create space for healing and personal growth. Forgiveness isn’t a gift we give to others, it is the greatest gift we give to ourselves – a gift that opens the door to a future free from the weight of the past.

By embracing forgiveness, we reclaim the power to shape our emotional landscape; we break the cycle that prolongs pain and embark on a journey toward emotional freedom.

In the decision to let go, we witness its transformative power, recognizing it as a path toward strength, resilience, and a renewed sense of self. Again, it becomes less about others and more about ourselves. Our focus shifts from what happened, to how we want to feel now. No longer entangled by haunting thoughts and memories, we opt for freedom and liberation, embracing a life filled with beauty, love, and harmony.

Exercise: Reflective Letter

Write a letter to yourself expressing forgiveness and understanding for the emotions you’ve experienced post-breakup or any other significant event. Acknowledge any areas of personal growth without dwelling on them, emphasizing your strengths and lessons learnt. Practice self-compassion and extend forgiveness to yourself for the healing journey ahead. This reflective exercise can serve as a powerful step toward emotional recovery and growth.

In my book, ‘Strength in Forgiveness: The Freedom You Give Yourself,’ I delve into the complexities of understanding forgiveness and explore its various dimensions. You can find detailed insights, practical guidance, and a more comprehensive exploration of the transformative power that forgiveness holds.

If you still feel the necessity to delve deeper into the process of forgiveness, I invite you to take the next step. The book includes more reflective exercises, providing valuable tools for self-reflection and growth. Whether you seek personalized guidance or wish to explore the profound insights within ‘Strength in Forgiveness: The Freedom You Give Yourself,’ there are two paths forward. You can book a discovery call with me for tailored support on your journey, or you can get the book now to embark on your independent exploration of forgiveness and personal empowerment.

Contact me for further support or for any questions you may have.

Preview the book here

Divorce is without doubt a challenging experience, but it offers significant lessons and opportunities for personal growth.

Bellow are some potential gains that can come from the divorce experience and turn your pain into power

• Self-discovery and personal growth – Divorce can be a catalyst for self-reflection – leading to a deeper understanding of oneself, personal values, and goals. It provides an opportunity to rediscover your identity outside of the context of the marriage, and can lead to personal growth and increased self-awareness.
• Independence and empowerment – Going through divorce requires you to become more self-reliant and independent. It can provide a sense of empowerment as you navigate the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of the process. Learning to stand on your own can build self-confidence and resilience.
• Freedom and new opportunities – Divorce can open up new possibilities and opportunities, and offers the freedom for you to explore new interests, pursue personal goals, and make choices that align with your own desires and aspirations.
• Healthy relationships – If you were in an unhealthy or abusive marriage, divorce provides you with the opportunity to break free from that toxic environment and discover healthier and happier relationships. It provides the chance to learn from past experiences and establish healthier boundaries and communication patterns in future relationships.
• Parenting growth and stronger bonds – Co-parenting after divorce can be challenging, however – it provides an opportunity for personal growth and the chance to build a stronger bond with your children. The focus on children’s well-being and shared parenting responsibilities can lead to personal development and the creation of a supportive and loving environment for the children.
• Emotional healing and well-being – Even though divorce is a traumatic experience on its own, it can serve as a pathway that allows you to address and heal from past hurts, trauma, or ongoing emotional distress. Seeking therapy or counselling support can facilitate the healing process and promote emotional well-being and personal transformation.
• Increased resilience and adaptability – Going through divorce requires you to navigate significant life changes and challenges. The experience can increase resilience and the ability to adapt to new circumstances. Overcoming the difficulties of divorce can strengthen one’s capacity to face future adversities with greater resilience.

The gains from divorce may not be immediate or apparent during the initial stages of the process, you might only realise when you manage to heal and detach from your ex. If there’s still an attachment and grief you may be blindfolded by the emotions.

The timeline for healing and personal growth varies for each person. Seeking support, practising self-care, and being patient with yourself are key components in maximising the gains and positive outcomes from the divorce experience.

Contact me for further support or for any questions you may have.

Finding strength and motivation after divorce can be challenging as it involves navigating through a roller-coaster of emotions – adjusting to significant life changes – and rebuilding a sense of self and purpose.

This process requires resilience, self-reflection, and a willingness to embrace personal growth. It requires specially patience, in taking one day at a time, and steps that will help regain your confidence and strength to move forward in a positive way.

Bellow are some suggestions to help you find strength and motivation during this time:

1. Embrace self-reflection – Take time to reflect on your journey, your values, and your aspirations. Acknowledge your strengths, talents, and passions. Reflecting on your own growth and potential can help you uncover the inner strength and motivation to move forward.
2. Practice self-compassion – Be kind and patient with yourself. Recognise that healing and rebuilding yourself after divorce takes time. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer to a friend. Accept that setbacks and challenges are a normal part of your life journey, and use them as opportunities for growth and learning.
3. Allow Yourself to Grieve – Give yourself permission to feel the emotions that arise: the sadness, anger, fear, guilt or disappointment. It’s natural to experience a range of emotions all at once when you’re going through a tough process like divorce. So allow yourself to grieve and process these emotions.
4. Surround yourself with positive influences – Surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you and uplift you. Stay close to family and friends who inspire and motivate you. Get involved in communities or groups that share similar goals and interests. Being in a positive environment can help you find the strength and motivation to pursue your dreams.
5. Embrace personal growth – Use this period as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. Explore new interests, engage in hobbies, pursue educational or career goals, or take up new challenges. Embracing personal growth can give you a sense of accomplishment and help you find renewed motivation.
6. Practice self-care – Prioritise self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, enthusiasm and excitement. Take care of yourself by eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and engaging in practices such as mindfulness and meditation.
7. Set goals and create a vision – Establish new goals for yourself and create a vision for your future. Identify what you want to achieve in different areas of your life, such as personal, professional, or emotional growth. Setting goals and working towards them can provide a sense of direction and purpose.
8. Seek inspiration and learning – Seek out sources of inspiration, whether it’s through books, podcasts, documentaries, or personal stories of resilience and triumph. Learning from others who have overcome challenges can bring you hope, fuel your own motivation and provide valuable insights and strategies.
9. Celebrate small wins – Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they seem. Break down your larger goals into smaller milestones and recognise your effort in taking each step towards achieving them. Celebrating your progress can provide a sense of accomplishment and motivate you to keep moving forward.
10. Seek professional support if needed – If you’re struggling to find strength and motivation on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist, coach, or counsellor. They can provide guidance, orientation, and strategies tailored to your specific situation. Professional support can be instrumental in helping you uncover your inner strength and regain motivation.

Finding strength and motivation after divorce is a personal process that requires your willingness and effort to push through each day. Accept where you are right now and give yourself the time and patience you need to properly heal and recover. Be open to the possibilities that lie ahead and believe in your ability to create a fulfilling and meaningful life after divorce.

Contact me for further support or for any questions you may have.

Finding closure after a painful divorce is a journey that requires patience, self-reflection, and emotional healing. This is a process of coming to terms with the end of a significant chapter in your life and finding peace within yourself to move forward. While closure may look different for everyone, there are several steps you can take to facilitate this healing process:

• Allow yourself to grieve – First and foremost: acknowledge and validate the range of emotions associated with the end of your marriage – allow yourself to feel and process those emotions. Grieving is a natural part of the healing process – give yourself permission to experience the sadness, the anger, the fear, guilt, or any other emotions that may arise.
• Reflect and accept the reality and let go of the past – Take time to reflect on the reasons for the divorce and accept the reality of the situation. Understand that the marriage has come to an end and that holding onto the past will only hinder your ability to move forward.
• Seek emotional support – Surround yourself with supportive people like family and friends. Sharing your feelings and experiences with them can provide validation and comfort; and if there’s someone you know that has gone through a similar situation they can assure you that you will overcome the breakup and feel good again.
• Practice self-care – Focus on yourself by prioritising self-care. Engage in activities that promote your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. This can include exercise, mindfulness practices, breathing techniques, spending time in nature, pursuing hobbies, or seeking therapy or counselling if needed.
• Set boundaries – Establish clear boundaries with your ex-spouse and any connections that may hinder your healing process. This may involve limiting your contacts, unfollowing or blocking them on social media, or seeking security forces if needed.
• Process your emotions – Find healthy ways to process your emotions, whether by journaling, talking to a therapist, a counsellor, or a coach; engage in creative outlets such as art & craft or music. Expressing your emotions can help you find relief and gain the clarity you need.
• Focus on your personal growth – Use this time to focus on your own personal growth and development. Set new goals for yourself and explore new hobbies and interests. Invest in activities that bring you joy and help you rediscover your sense of self.
• Practice forgiveness – Forgive yourself and your ex-spouse, this is an important step to find healing and have closure. Forgiveness is a process and it takes time. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting and excusing what was done to you, but rather freeing yourself from the emotional burden that stops you from moving forward.
• Embrace the new future – Redirect your mind and focus on the newness and on the possibilities that lie ahead. Allow yourself to dream, set new goals, and create a vision for the life you want to build post-divorce. Embracing the future can provide a sense of hope and excitement and stops you from wandering around on things that don’t serve you.
• Seek professional help if needed – If you find it challenging to find closure or move forward on your own, consider getting help from professionals that are specialised in divorce matters and relationship issues. They can provide guidance, support, and strategies tailored to your specific needs.

Don’t forget that finding closure is a personal journey, and the timeline for finding it varies from person to person. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to heal at your own pace. By practising self-care and self-nurturing, and by focusing on your healing, growth and well-being – you can gradually find the closure that you so much crave for.

Contact me for further support.

Questioning your decision is a normal reaction when you’re going through such a hard thing like divorce. You find yourself asking should you give them another chance? Should you forgive them? If going back is the right thing? So many questions go through your head. At this time, your mind fights to face this reality, and you may dwell on the decision for quite some time. 

Like I said, denial is a normal reaction when you’re going through such a painful process like divorce,  at this time your mind fights to face this reality and you might dwell on the decision for quite some time. Come on, we’re talking about divorce here we’re talking about the breakup of a family, of years of coexistence, and memories and experiences you went through as a couple, as a family. so it’s absolutely normal to be in denial for quite some time. 

Denial is resistance to change, it provides some kind of comfort, because it allows you to distance yourself from this overwhelming reality; but the truth is, you want to let go, you just don’t want to go through the pain of letting go. Change is painful.

So I’m going to give you four guaranteed ways for you to get emotionally detached from this person. I’m talking about four healthy ways to do so.

So this is:

1) Remind yourself why the relationship wasn’t working, what were the problems? The truth is, these problems haven’t disappeared.

Just remind yourself of the things that you might be overlooking right now, the real causes for wanting the break up.

2) Do not fight your feelings. Do not fight how you feel. There will be moments that you will miss this person, even if ‘ve hurt you so much; and beating yourself up and fighting these feelings will only make you feel worse, it’s like being caught in a net – the more you fight it the more entangled you become. 

It’s best to cry and allow the emotions to flow; to accept that that’s how you feel right now.

3) The third thing to help you detach emotionally from this person is to engage in things that you enjoy; things that give you purpose, that give you meaning – things that keep you excited and productive.

I’m not talking about being busy to numb the pain, I’m talking about things that will be of value as you move forward. 

As you work on these things you focus on progress and growth. 

4) The fourth thing for you to detach emotionally from your ex is to have someone to hold you accountable, is to have someone by your side – to help you through this tough process. 

It’s hard to deal with all the things when we’re trying to do it all by ourselves. Having someone compassionate and understanding will help you cope better at this, they will be by your side when you have a moment of weakness, they will remind you what you have to do to help yourself; and maybe they went through a breakup before, even better, because they can assure you that it’s going to be hard for quite some time, but you’ll be okay one day, you will overcome, you will be happy again.

So if you take these steps you will detach from them, you will gradually break the bond, break the connection – it is a progressive process, you will notice that you are slowly detaching, you will notice the attachment is weakening, slowly fading away. Where before you would think of this person constantly, now it’s once in a blue moon. This is progress! And one day you will notice that you are hundred percent free, and finally over them for good. 

Thank you for reading, or watching the video. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel and share this post to help many other women out there.

Contact me for further support.

Nurturing yourself after divorce is an essential practice for your healing and well-being. Taking time to help yourself recover mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is crucial to take your healing journey to the next level.

Bellow are ten steps you can take to cultivate self-compassion and self-nurturing during this painful period. Some of the steps you might have read in other articles that I’ve published, but it’s never enough to reinforce the message and emphasize on the importance of taking these steps, and the benefits you can gain from them.

So here’s what you have to do to help yourself:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions: Allow yourself to feel the range of emotions that arise after divorce: the sadness, anger, fear, guilt or confusion. Recognise that these emotions are valid and very normal. Avoid self-judgement and avoid suppressing those strong emotions; give yourself kindness and understanding instead.
2. Practice Self-Care: Prioritise self-care activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that you enjoy, such as exercise, walks in nature, practising relaxation techniques such as yoga or breath work, or indulging in hobbies of your preference. Nurturing yourself helps in building resilience and self-compassion.
3. Nourish Your Body with Healthy Food: Take care of your physical well-being by nourishing your body with nutritious foods. Include a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins in your diet. Drinking enough water and limiting the consumption of processed foods and sugary drinks can also contribute to your overall well-being. You might not be aware of this, but a healthy diet can help you improve your mood and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. Give it a try.
4. Practice Mindfulness And Self Awareness: Cultivate mindfulness by bringing your attention to the present moment, without judgement. Notice your thoughts and emotions as they arise, and observe them with kindness and focus. Take walks in nature, spend time alone, do some self-reflection, pray and meditate, play an instrument, do some gardening…anything that keeps you grounded and helps you become in tune with your higher self. Mindfulness helps you develop a compassionate and non-judgemental attitude towards yourself – it helps develop self-love.
5. Avoid Negative Self-Talk: Be aware of negative self-talk and replace it with self-compassionate thoughts. Be encouraging and supportive to yourself at this time, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would to someone you love. Replace self-criticism with positive and empowering words.
6. Let Go of Guilt and Regret: Release yourself from any guilt and regret about the past. Understand that everyone makes mistakes, you are no different. Learn from your experiences and use them as opportunities for growth, rather than dwelling on self-blame and self-criticism. Embrace self-acceptance, forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings, and celebrate your strengths and achievements.
7. Seek Emotional Support: Surround yourself with supportive people, who understand your situation and can offer empathy and encouragement. Reach out to family and friends where you can share your feelings and experiences. Having someone that has gone through the same can be comforting and validating, since they can assure you that it’s going to be tough for a while but you will breakthrough and find happiness again.
8. Connect with Nature: Spend time in nature to rejuvenate and find solace. Take walks in parks or forests, go hiking, or simply sit in a peaceful outdoor space. Connecting with nature helps soothe your emotions – providing a calming effect and a sense of serenity and peace.
9. Seek Pleasure and Joy: Engage in activities that bring you pleasure and joy. This can vary from person to person, but it could involve spending quality time with loved ones, exploring new hobbies, enjoying creative pursuits, watching movies, or engaging in activities that make you laugh and feel alive.
10. Set Boundaries and Prioritise Self-Respect: Set up healthy boundaries with your ex-partner, and others involved in your divorce. Prioritise your own well-being and protect your emotional health before anything. Recognise that it’s okay to put your needs first and make choices that favours your self-respect.

Remember, self-compassion is an ongoing practice, and that is what will help you turn your grief to grace. Listen to your needs and desires, and prioritise activities that replenish and restore your energy. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the healing process; treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and love. Remember that you deserve compassion, even more during this challenging time. By taking care of yourself, you lay the foundation for overall well-being and resilience during the healing process after divorce. So commit to a healing and recovery process – break free for real, and heal – my dear friend!

It’s natural to reflect on the past, but it’s important to strike a balance between reflecting and reliving it constantly. Reflecting on your past can be quite positive, as it helps you notice your failures and the lessons learnt. Where as, reliving it keeps you trapped in a cycle of negative emotions and prevents you from moving forward.

Dwelling on the past after a divorce can hinder the healing process in several ways:

1. Stagnation and rumination: Constantly dwelling on the past can keep you stuck in negative emotions and prevents you from moving forward. It can lead to a cycle of rumination, where you repeatedly replay and analyze past events, prolonging the pain and preventing emotional growth.
2. Resentful and unhappy – dwelling on the past prevents you from fully accepting the reality of the situation. Constantly replaying the events of the failed marriage and staying stuck on what went wrong can keep you resentful and unhappy.
3. Emotional attachment to the pain: Continuously focusing on past hurts and grievances can keep an emotional attachment to the pain. It can make it challenging to let go, forgive, and find closure. By dwelling on the past, you may inadvertently keep wounds fresh and prevent healing from taking place. It doesn’t only impede your ability to let go and move forward, it also prevents you from focusing on your own personal growth and rebuilding your life.
4. Loss of present moment and future opportunities: When you’re stuck in the past, it can be difficult to fully engage in the sweetness of the present moment and difficult to embrace future opportunities. Constantly looking backward can hinder your ability to appreciate the positive aspects of your current life and hinders your ability to build a fulfilling future.
5. Negative self-identity and victim mentality: Dwelling on the past can reinforce a negative self-identity and cultivate a victim mentality. It can perpetuate feelings of powerlessness and prevents you from taking control over your life. Instead of moving forward and focusing on personal growth, you may find yourself trapped in a narrative of being a victim.
6. Impact on mental and emotional well-being: Constantly reliving painful memories and emotions from the past can take a toll on your mental health and emotional well-being. It can contribute to anxiety, depression, and stress. Healing and recovery often requires focusing on self-care, cultivating positive emotions, and building a hopeful outlook for the future.
7. Keeps you stuck with trust issues – dwelling excessively on the past can make it difficult to trust again and fully opening yourself up to new experiences. Instead of following the experience you now have and the ability to make better choices, reliving the past makes you afraid of going through the same experiences you went through.
8. Impedes you from finding love – dwelling on the past can hinder your ability to establish new and healthy relationships which can potentially lead to new love.

While acknowledging and processing the past is a necessary part of healing, continually dwelling on it without finding ways to move forward can impede progress. It’s important to strike a balance between appreciating your experiences – learning from them – and actively working towards personal growth, acceptance, and a positive future. Engaging in self-reflection, seeking support from close family and friends, or professionals, and practising mindfulness can help redirect your focus towards the present and future, promoting your full recovery and well-being.

Contact me for further support.

Divorce causes a great impact in the whole family, and when it comes to the little ones they are the most affected, since they are not aware of what’s happening and in their little heads arguments between parents doesn’t make any sense, all they want is for both parents to be happy together; so they can’t understand beyond that. And, when they experience the breakup of the family, one parent leaving and living somewhere else, they feel confused, overwhelmed and emotionally sensitive. Hence, supporting children through a divorce is crucial for their emotional well-being and adjustment to the new family dynamics.

Bellow are some ways you can help your child during this difficult time:

1. Have open and honest communication: Maintaining open lines of communication with your children, encourages them to talk about and express their feelings and concerns about the divorce. Give them reassurance, show them that you care about them and that their feelings are valid – let them know that it’s normal to feel sad and hurt with the situation. Also ensure them that they are not responsible for the divorce, as children tend to easily blame themselves when it happens.
2. Reassure them of your love: Make sure your children understand that the divorce does not change your love for them. Reassure them that both parents will continue to be involved in their lives and that their needs will always be met. In some cases the father of the child is not responsible enough and is not involved in the child’s life, in this case you have to do your best for your child to feel safe and loved by you alone, providing them with necessary attention and fun family moments.
3. Keep conflict away from the children: avoid conflicts, arguments, or discussing sensitive matters in front of your children. Shield them from adult issues and maintain a positive co-parenting relationship, focusing on their well-being and needs.
4. Provide stability and routine: Maintain an environment of stability and routine in the children’s life as much as possible. Consistency in their daily routines, school activities, and time spent with each parent can provide a sense of security and help them adjust to the changes after the divorce.
5. Encourage creative emotional outlets: Allow your children to express their emotions in creative ways. Encourage healthy and fun ways of releasing emotions, things like art & craft, dancing, singing, running in the park, playing baseball, writing, embracing nature, playing with a pet, etc.. Let them know that they are not alone and that they are always welcome to talk to you or with a trusted adult. They should also know that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions and the most important thing is to blur out and express them. Provide a safe space for them to express themselves.
6. Seek professional support if needed: If your children are struggling with the divorce, consider involving a therapist or counselor who is specialized in working with children and families. Professional guidance can provide additional support and tools to help them navigate their emotions and adjust to the changes.
7. Foster a positive co-parenting relationship: Make sure to establish a cooperative and respectful co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse. This involves consistent communication, coordinating schedules, and making joint decisions in the best interest of the children. Working together can create a more stable and supportive environment for your children. If maintaining an effective co-parenting relationship with your ex is a problem, consider adopting a different method of communication, such as parallel parenting – where each parent has their own parenting approach and don’t attend the same child-related appointments and events. This way, by limiting direct contact with each other you are able to raise your children in a healthy environment.

Remember, each child’s response to divorce may vary, and it’s important to be patient and understanding. Provide ongoing support, reassurance, and a safe environment, where they are able to navigate and express their emotions freely. This kind of support will help them face the challenges in a more effective way and build resilience during this transition.

Contact me for further support

Divorce is a life crisis with intense emotional reactions. It is normal to feel angry, fearful, lost, overwhelmed and confused as you navigate through this journey. It is so difficult to cope with all the changes that happen, so it becomes a struggle to cope with the inevitable emotions that arise from it. And in this process it’s easy to turn to negative behaviours to try and cope. There are things you should do your best to avoid, as it may hinder your healing process and harm you along the way – it is important to approach the healing process with care and consideration for your own well-being.

Here are a few things you should generally avoid doing:

1. Engaging in negative and destructive behaviours: Avoid turning to negative coping mechanisms such substance abuse that can affect your health; unreasonable behaviours that jeopardise your image and self-esteem; or isolating yourself from people you love that can be a source for emotional support. As I mentioned, these behaviours can hinder your healing process and impact your overall well-being. Instead find healthy ways to process your emotions to promote a faster recovery. You can find guidance in the following article: How To Process Painful Emotions In A Healthy Way
2. Rushing into a new relationship: Take time for self-reflection and personal growth before jumping into a new romantic relationship. Rushing into a new relationship without addressing underlying issues can potentially lead to repeating unhealthy patterns, and as a consequence you will hurt yourself more and make yourself more miserable. Allow and give yourself adequate time to heal and rediscover yourself. Find more guidance and better understanding of this in the following articles: 1|) Who Am I After Divorce; 2) Remembering Yourself After Divorce; 3) Overcoming Divorce: Prioritise Your Mental Health;
3. Involving your children in conflicts: Avoid involving your children in conflicts or using them as a means to communicate or get back at your ex-spouse, as this can be emotionally harmful to them. Instead, try as much, to protect them from any animosity between you and your former partner. Focus on creating a healthy and positive co-parenting relationship if you can, for the joy and happiness of your children.
4. Neglecting self-care: Divorce can be emotionally and mentally draining, hence prioritising self-care is crucially important. Try to prioritise your physical and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that promote self-care, such as exercise, healthy eating, quality sleep, and activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
5. Avoid social isolation: It’s crucial to seek support from family and friends, and also professional help from therapists or coaches during this time. Even though you need some time alone to process everything, avoid isolating yourself for a long period of time – instead reach out to your support network. Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can provide understanding, guidance, and a sense of hope.
6. Avoid Dwelling on the past: While it’s natural to reflect on the past and extract lessons gained from the experience, continuously dwelling on it can hinder your progress. Instead, focus on the present moment and the possibilities for your future. Allow yourself to heal and move forward without being constantly weighed down by the past.

Remember, each individual’s experience is personal and unique, and these suggestions may not apply to every situation. It’s important to consider your own circumstances and seek guidance from professionals who can provide personalised advice and support based on your specific needs.

Contact me for further support

Divorce is a unique experience to each person, so different stages of grief can present its challenges to each person on it’s own distinct way. However, there are stages that are commonly considered more difficult than others. Here’s why:

1. Accepting the end of the relationship: Coming to terms with the fact that the marriage or relationship is really over, can be emotionally challenging. Accepting the reality of the divorce and letting go of the hopes and dreams associated with the relationship can be a tough and painful process.
2. Emotional turmoil and grief: Divorce triggers a range of intense emotions in a non-linear way, emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and loneliness are common and felt frequently during the grieving stage. Dealing with these emotions and the grief associated with the end of the relationship can be incredibly difficult. It may involve mourning the loss of the marriage, the life you once considered as yours, the future plans, and even the identity tied as being part of a couple.
3. Navigating the legal process: Dealing with the legal aspects of divorce on its own, like: paperwork, negotiations, and potential conflicts, can be overwhelming and stressful. Understanding and managing the legal requirements, division of assets, child custody, and financial matters can add significant stress to an already emotionally challenging situation.
4. Adjusting to the new life: Divorce often requires significant adjustments in daily life and routines. Living habits may change, financial situations may be different, and co-parenting responsibilities can be new and challenging. Hence, adapting to these changes and establishing new routines can be a difficult and unsettling process.
5. Co-parenting challenges: For couples with children, co-parenting after divorce may present a set of difficulties: organizing schedules, making decisions together, and managing potential conflicts can be demanding. Balancing the needs and well-being of the children, with the emotions and dynamics between you and your ex can be extremely challenging.

It is important to remember that while the stages of grieving the end of your relationship can be difficult, they are also part of a transformative process. Seeking emotional support from family and friends, and the valuable guidance from professionals, such as therapists or coaches, can provide you with assistance in navigating the challenges associated with the heartache of your divorce.

Focusing on yourself after divorce is the crucial step towards healing and moving forward. Bellow are some suggestions that I find important to help you prioritize self-care and personal growth:

1. Allow yourself to grieve: Divorce is hard, and can be emotionally challenging, hence it’s essential to allow yourself to grieve the end of your relationship. Give yourself permission to experience and process those painful emotions, without judgement.
2. Practice self-compassion: Be kind and patient with yourself during this time. Divorce can bring up a range of emotions, including guilt, shame, or self-blame. Remember that divorce causes a complete change in your life dynamics, so it’s normal to have a mix of emotions during this difficult phase. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer to a close friend.
3. Take time for self-reflection: Use this period to reflect on yourself, on your needs and your goals. Find out what brings you joy and fulfillment. Consider your values, passions, and aspirations. Use this opportunity to rediscover who you are as an individual and what you want for your future.
4. Pray and Meditate: Prayer can provide a sense of solace and comfort during challenging times like divorce. It offers a space for you to express your emotions, seek inner peace, and find solace in your spiritual path. It is a way of finding strength and guidance during this difficult process of healing and moving forward. It also provides a sense of connection to a higher power and offers a source of support, wisdom, and guidance as you navigate through your post-divorce journey.
5. Prioritise self-care: Focus on taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, and engaging in hobbies or activities that you enjoy. Make self-care a priority to nurture your overall well-being, you need yourself the most at this time, it is important to prioritise yourself and focus on you.
6. Set boundaries and establish routines: Establish clear boundaries to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Create healthy routines that support your self-care and personal growth. Like I said previously, you need to set aside time for self-reflection, pursuing hobbies, engaging in self-care practices, and exploring new interests.
7. Seek help and support: Seek support from close family and friend who understand and respect your journey; lean on them for emotional support when you need. Seek professional help if you find that your grief is overwhelming, persistent and interfering with your daily functioning. Reach out to a counselor, a therapist, or a coach for guidance – as they can provide you with tools, strategies, and insights to process and cope with painful emotions in the right way.
8. Invest in your personal growth: Take this opportunity to invest in your personal growth and development. Set goals for yourself, in areas like your career, education, hobbies and relationships. Consider exploring new interests or learning new skills, that can contribute to your personal and professional growth.

Remember that healing and moving forward after a divorce is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and celebrate even small steps forward. If needed, consider seeking professional guidance from a therapist, a counsellor or a coach, who can provide you with additional support and guidance throughout your journey of focusing on yourself.

Processing painful emotions in a healthy way is essential for your emotional well-being and personal growth. So in what healthy ways can you express them? Bellow are some strategies that can help you navigate and process those emotions.

1. Recognise and Validate Your Emotions – Acknowledge and accept your emotions without judgement; understand that it is normal to experience a range of emotions when you’re going through such a tough process like divorce. It is absolutely normal to be sad, angry, fearful and confused. Allow yourself to feel those emotions fully – acknowledge and validate them.
2. Find Support In Close Family Members and Friends – Find a safe and supportive environment where you can express your emotions freely. Having close people to share your feelings can provide validation, comfort and warmth.
3. Practice Self-Compassion – Be kind and compassionate towards yourself as you navigate through painful emotions. Treat yourself with the same understanding and care as you would to a loved one going through a difficult time. Offer yourself words of comfort and support.
4. Journaling – Use a pen and paper to write down your thoughts and emotions, express how you feel without limitations; write as many pages as you need. This can be the best way to purge and release strong emotions, and gain the clarity that you need. Use the journal as a space for self-reflection, exploring your emotions, and expressing insights gained from your experience.
5. Meditation and Mindfulness – Engage in mindfulness and meditation practices that will help you be intensely aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the present moment, without interpretation or judgement. In order to help yourself during your healing journey it is important to be present and observant of your feelings, as often as possible, with a non-judgemental attitude. Mindfulness can help you observe your emotions without getting overwhelmed by them.
6. Engage in Physical Activities – Physical exercise is a powerful way to release repressed emotions and helps reduce stress. Try to engage in activities like walking in nature, running, swimming, yoga – to help you concentrate and process your emotions through movement.
7. Find Creative Outlets – Express your emotions through creative outlets such as art & craft, writing, baking, music, dancing or singing. Creative expression allows you to focus and release emotions in a constructive way and gives you a sense of relief.
8. Practice Self-Care – Prioritise self-care activities that nurture your well-being. Like I have mentioned previously, engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and comfort. Practise self-care rituals, enjoy hobbies and interests, and spend time in nature.
9. Give Yourself Time – healing takes time, and everyone processes emotions at their own pace. Healing happens gradually, it is a progressive process, so be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this emotional journey. Allow yourself the space and time need to heal and grow.
10. Seek Professional Help if Needed – If you find that your grief is overwhelming, persistent, or interfering with your daily functioning, consider seeking professional help. Reach out to a therapists, a counsellor, or a coach, as they have specialised training and expertise in providing structured and supportive framework to address your personal challenges. Having professional guidance can help you cope with painful emotions in the right way.

Remember that coping with grief and loss is a personal journey; healing happens at its own pace, It’s normal to experience ups and downs along the way, so be kind and patient with yourself, and trust that in time, with self-care and the right support, you will gradually move towards healing and find a renewed sense of hope and joy in your life.

Contact me for further support.

Understanding the emotional journey you’re currently facing while dealing with your divorce is crucial, as it involves you recognizing your feelings and helps you navigate through the wide range of emotions that can arise during this painful period.

Bellow are some information that can help you understand this emotional journey better.

1. Initial shock and disbelief – When divorce first becomes a reality, you normally experience shock, disbelief, and a sense of loss. It can be overwhelming to process the end of a relationship and having to adjust to the new circumstances – everything changes, your whole life takes a new turn.
2. Anger and resentment: It is normal to experience intense anger and resentment towards your ex when you’re facing divorce – this can stem from a variety of reasons such as: betrayal, broken trust, unmet needs and expectations, or the simple fact that you may struggle to accept the end of your relationship. Anger is a coping mechanism, it masks other strong emotions like loneliness and fear, for example – it is a way of protecting yourself from dealing with real painful emotions. It’s essential to acknowledge and process these emotions in a healthy way in order to fully heal.
3. Grief and sadness – Divorce involves a significant loss, and it’s natural to feel a sense of sadness and despair. Mourning the end of your relationship, the dreams and goals that may have been shattered, and the changes in the family dynamics is part of the grieving process.
4. Fear and anxiety – Divorce often brings uncertainty about the future, things like: financial concerns, worries about co-parenting, and/or of being alone; feelings of fear and anxiety of starting over, of being single, of the impact that divorce has on the children – all these reasons are strong reasons to feel fearful and overwhelmed. Learning to manage these fears is crucial to move forward.
5. Acceptance and adjustment – In time, and with the right support, you will begin to accept the reality of your divorce and adjust to the new circumstances. This stage involves finding a new sense of identity, establishing routines that support your overall well-being and create a vision for your future.
6. Healing and growth – As the emotional wounds of your divorce begin to heal, you can start focusing on your personal growth and self-discovery. This may involve working on self-esteem, building resilience, setting new goals, exploring new interests and getting involved in new relationships.
7. Co-parenting and It’s Challenges – If you have children, maneuvering co-parenting dynamics can be emotionally challenging. Learning effective communication skills, managing conflicts, and prioritizing the well-being of your children are crucial aspects of this journey.

It’s important to acknowledge that everyone’s emotional journey through divorce is unique, and you may experience these emotions in varying intensities and period of time. Seeking support from family and friends, from professionals like divorce recovery coaches or therapists – can provide the guidance and assistance you need, and can help you process your emotions in a healthy way – which can lead to healing and growth.

Contact me for further support.

Many times we suffer because we place the wrong people in the right places of our heart. Let me repeat this: many times we suffer because we put the wrong people in the right places of our heart.  

When we allow the wrong people into our lives they have us second guess ourselves, they are so good at gaslighting, projecting, and manipulating, that they will have you question your sanity; they will make you feel like you’re asking too much when the truth is, they can’t offer much. 

Stop allowing the wrong people to occupy a place in your heart that they’re not worthy of, and save yourself from further heartache. 

The reason why many relationships don’t work is because there is no compatibility between the couple. There is connection but you’re not compatible. You are together, but not a match. Do you know what I mean?

 As I said, you can be together with someone but not be a match, not be compatible at all. 

I give myself as an example. I was married for twenty eight years and my ex and I were not in sync ever,  we were not compatible at all, we were never in agreement, hence there were many arguments, many fights, that brought me a lot of sorrow and frustration. When you’re not compatible, there is lack of coordination, in every area of your life, you’re never in agreement, it’s like two left feet in the body, it can never work. Right?

When you’re not compatible you row in different directions, you have different plans, you have different goals, you know what I mean? You never walk together, you are never in the same direction, and many times what happens? One of you gets lost, because one of you is trying to shrink, you know?  To fit in, and what happens is that you lose your identity. You lose your identity because you’re trying to become compatible with the other person – you are trying, you are fighting, but you just end up frustrated, unhappy, unfulfilled. So, the best way is to go separate ways to avoid further frustration, further sorrow, misery.

You cannot delude yourself and think that things will change one day – they will not. You’re just deluding yourself and wasting your time and just bringing more sorrow and misery into your life, to yourself, and disturbing your mental health. The best way is to go separate ways, the best way is to leave the relationship.

A Marriage does not work without compatibility, compatibility starts from conversation, if you are unable to conversate, to communicate with your partner you cannot be compatible, because compatibility starts with understanding, understanding each other. And for us to be able to understand each other we have to be able to communicate. Right? We must be able to speak each other’s language, and when two people are incompatible you are unable to understand each other, and every time you are with this person there’s argument, there’s fights, there’s disagreements – constantly. You can never be happy, you can never be happy in this kind of relationship.

Therefore, if you are not a match with your partner, if you are incompatible, the best way is to leave, is to go separate ways. Even if they’re not a bad person, if you’re unable to communicate what’s the point in being in the relationship? Do yourself a favour, avoid further frustration, avoid further misery, just end what is not working, what will never work.

When you meet people that are compatible with you, you don’t need to shrink, you’re going to be yourself and they’re going to be themselves; there is harmony, you guys understand each other, you are able to communicate. Compatibility does not require anyone shrinking, or lying, or faking – you are always in agreement, in harmony. And that is what we’re looking for, isn’t it? We are looking for a healthy relationship, for happiness, for laughter and smiles more often than tears and arguments; right?

So, if you’re not happy in your relationship, you should consider these points, and well… leave if you have to leave.

Are you in a bad relationship? Is your marriage a living hell? Let me tell you one thing: Marriage is not your life, marriage is not your destiny – marriage is something that happens by choice. So, if you tried it and it doesn’t work – leave, break up end it!

Anything that messes with your life, anything that messes with your sanity, anything that messes with your health, is something to be avoided. Marriage is not a do or die affair, it is not your life, it is not your destiny; so, if you’re not happy in your marriage divorce is an option.

It’’s not that I encourage or support divorce, but I’m talking about those marriages that are a living hell, where you suffer abuse – where you suffer mental and physical abuse.

Even though your marriage didn’t work out, divorce gives you a second chance, it gives you the chance to make it right, after the knowledge and experience you’ve gained from your previous relationship.

I wish someone had told me this years ago: It is okay to divorce when you’re not happy; it is okay to divorce if you’re in a toxic relationship; it is okay to divorce if you are mistreated, disrespected, and cheated on. Because after all, the reason to get married is to get a better half, right? Someone to make you better – not bitter.

So, if you’re bitter and you’re unhappy in your marriage, my darling – that’s living in bondage.

What’s stopping you from ending what hurts? Is your problem people talking? People may judge you for getting divorced, so what? Stop allowing people that don’t know what you’re going through, or people that are not even wearing your shoes define your life.

There were a few people that were against my divorce before, and I would feel guilty for wanting the divorce, so I would continue in the relationship and just going through hell, continuously… until I came to a point that I made the decision, and I didn’t care about people’s opinion anymore. What I said was, “it’s my life, I have been living the relationship, I’ve been there for years, for many years… for twenty eight years, to be precise, and no one was living it for me; so now, it’s my decision – and if anyone is against my decision, you’re free to have your own opinion, you’re free to replace me, and welcome to stay in my place. It’s my life, it’s my experience, and you want to dictate my life?”

And I was confidently done! Never went back, never regretted it.

So let people talk, let them talk… it’s none of your business. Shake off the dust and move on. Learn to take care of yourself because no one will. And the only way to take care of yourself is to make those decisions that are good for you. You are the one wearing the shoes, you’re the one knowing the living hell you’re going through; so, if you know the best thing for you is to end the relationship, is to leave the marriage… Why should you wait? Why take longer?

Yes, you will go through fear, anxiety, moments of loneliness sometimes. You will have to grieve the end of your relationship, but – trust me, it’s gonna hurt less than the experience you’re going through; and in time you will be over it – and you’ll be thankful that it ended.

My dear, if you feel that you’re done – take a walk, and give yourself a second chance. Yeah? Divorce is an option, divorce gives you a second chance, divorce is an opportunity for you to know that you can get something better; something bigger; something even more beautiful. That’s what divorce is for, to free you from a life of pain.

It doesn’t matter if you want another relationship or not, the opportunity of freeing yourself from a life of misery is all you need to start living a quality of life. Your destiny is not to be married and unhappy, there’s a higher purpose for you, and you deserve to be happy, you deserve the very best.

Come on – find out a good reason to live for, and a good reason to die for, and go live your life!

Let me remind you that your effort and commitment to yourself plays an important role in overcoming divorce. You will not see major results if you are just waiting for a miracle to happen, it will not happen! No one’s coming to save you or rescue you, life won’t just heal you, time won’t either. The only way out of despair is to work on yourself, step by step.

A way out of a situation is always to look for a solution, to look for a way out, in this case, overcoming divorce requires looking for ways to heal emotionally and get over your breakup. When you really decide to take action and help yourself you will become unstoppable, i’m sure you know that. So what might be stopping you from starting now? I have an answer to that: patterns of negative thinking and lack of self-belief. Maybe you don’t believe that healing is possible, maybe it hasn’t even crossed your mind that you can heal yourself by your own means. Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t look for professional help, because doing so is already taking action toward your recovery, but most of the inner work is done by you. What you get from a professional is guidance and support, the process becomes easier with a professional and gets you faster results, of course – since they are experienced in showing clients strategies to get to the their desired goal. But, the power is in you taking responsibility for your own recovery – whether it’s by researching, reading books, listening to podcasts, or by seeking professional help – you are in charge.

“And how can I start empowering myself?” I will tell you how you can: by starting to take action and change your negative thinking pattern. “And how do I do this, how do I start?” You start by changing your thoughts. You start by becoming aware of what you’re thinking. When you become aware of your thoughts that’s when you have the opportunity to choose another thought instead. You learn to choose more positive and uplifting thoughts, you start reprogramming your mind with thoughts that serve you in a more efficient way. You end the cycle of negative thinking and shift from victim mode to empowered mode, because now you are in control. Remember that your mind has been replaying the same kind of thoughts for decades, therefore it takes time to reprogram and change the paradigm.

From this place of empowerment you start having hope again, you start doing things that make you feel good, and doing things that you enjoy. You come out from that state of darkness that the painful process of divorce brought you to, and become less attached to it, you open doors for healing to start happening. You understand that even though you are going through a tough time at the moment there is still room for good things to happen, and that eventually this chapter will soon surpass and you will be feeling better than ever.

If you’re already doing your best right now, even if it seems very little, that’s good enough. As long as you’re taking small steps, doing small things for yourself day by day, that’s all that is needed to slowly recover. It’s better not to push yourself too hard, one baby step at a time is better than doing nothing. Taking one day at a time is all you need right now, it’s like taking a pill everyday to recover, your effort and commitment is what will help you find your way through. With guidance and support on your side you will be able to cross over into a place of strength, wisdom and enthusiasm. I want you to believe in happiness again, believe in yourself and in conquering what you want. You are strong and capable enough to move towards a much better life.

Yes, it takes time to heal from a break-up but do what you can to pull it through. Be patient, be understanding of yourself, do for you as you would do for a friend. Remember, it’s not the end of your life, it is the end of a chapter in your life, you have a whole range of opportunities waiting for you. Now is your chance to turn the page and write a new story. Spend time investing in your growth and development. You, and you alone, are in control of your life and in taking it to the next level. You need time to do more for yourself and learn more about yourself. Creating a better life requires effort and time to put yourself together, to find balance within, and change whatever needs to be changed. Your main focus should be on working on yourself, on finding your inner strength and on building your confidence, this is necessary to move towards better realisations.

Normally after a breakup, specially us women that work more on the emotional side, tend to self-blame for the dysfunction in the relationship. “Maybe if I had done things differently it could’ve worked out.” It’s so easy to mentally torture ourselves.

But we have to look at things as how they are, or better, as how they were. We may have failed in some parts, of course, but we have to look at both sides and look at the real cause of the dysfunction in the relationship. Blaming yourself for things you shouldn’t have done prevents you from noticing what you did right and what you’ve gained from the experience.

Take responsibility for your failures but also know that at the time that was the only way you knew how to act and react. So, find a way of understanding and forgiving yourself. I know it’s not easy, but hey, is there anyone on earth that has never made a mistake that ended up regretting? We all make mistakes sometimes, whether in the heat of the moment or because we don’t know better at that moment. Use your guilt as a lesson and not as a punishment; guilt gives you the opportunity to improve and do better next time. Therefore, don’t torture yourself; instead, choose thought that will serve you and make you feel better.

Spend time in a quiet place so that you can acknowledge the gifts that you’ve gained from the relationship. Truly observe what you’ve learned and notice how it will serve you from here on.

I know it’s hard but try to be grateful for your experience, and think about what you can do differently next time. And then, when you start dating someone new you will notice that those lessons were a blessing, they came to teach you to do better and choose better, so that you can have a happier life experience. We are always growing and evolving, and still, we’ll always have room for more improvement, so be kind to yourself.

A Different Mindset Towards Transformation

When we go through any kind of hardship in life, we have three choices: we can let it define us, let it destroy us, or let it strengthen us. The end of a relationship is a period of immense turbulence, but also an opportunity for great transformation. As you try to identify everything that’s going on within your being, you are also looking to get over your relationship and start a new chapter in your life. This is the time to make wise, healthy, and life-affirming decisions, as you take on the essential task of reinventing your life and setting up structures that will allow you to thrive after this new transition. A mental shift from victim to victorious is necessary to fully rise. Even though difficult, you want to avoid feeling sorry for yourself, even if things are not going right for you at this moment. 

It is normal in the beginning to dwell on the loss, to cry, to vent out to your family and friends about every last detail, but after that, even though you’re still raw, it is important to make a deliberate mind shift from seeing yourself as a victim. Regardless of what happened, or is still happening, you don’t want to make the pain of your divorce dis-empower you. Certainly, your negative feelings won’t disappear miraculously, and of course this isn’t a one-time mind shift – sadness and despair will kick in from time to time when you least expect, but know that it is in your power to take control of your emotions and turn things around. You can be hurt but still make choices that will support you along the way, which will certainly benefit you in general, even after you’re fully recovered. There are simple steps to make you whole again, and little by little you will bloom and rise more empowered than ever before. It will take time but you will get there. One day you will notice that it doesn’t hurt anymore, and that you’re ready to start creating a beautiful life for yourself.

Your Effort & Commitment To Heal

First of all I want to salute you for being here reading this article, for the simple fact that your intention with it is to help yourself – you’re looking to move on from the anguish and arrive at a higher place. So this is what I want you to know, healing from divorce takes time, grieving is a unique process; no one does it in the same way, and there is no timeline to recover, but it is up to you do what you can to heal and overcome. Look for help if you need, don’t go through the painful process on your own, find a support group, a coach, a therapist. Looking for help is a way of helping yourself. If you can do it on your own – great, but if you’re feeling desperate and not being able to cope with those strong emotions, getting support should be one thing to consider. This is you stepping up for yourself and doing what you can to recover.

Let me remind you that your effort and commitment to yourself plays an important role in your recovery. You will not see major results if you’re just waiting for a miracle to happen in order to recover, it will not happen. A way out of a situation is always to look for a solution, to look for a way out. When you start wanting to feel good and willing to take action, and do your part to recover, you open doors for the healing to start happening, you become available to new opportunities and experiences.

If you’re already doing your best, that is good enough. As long as you’re taking small actions, doing small things for yourself every day, that’s all that is needed to slowly recover. Taking one day at a time. Your effort and commitment is what will help you find your way through. With guidance and support on your side you will be able to cross over into a place of strength, wisdom and enthusiasm. I want you to believe in happiness again, believe in yourself and in conquering what you want. You are strong and capable enough to move towards a much better life.

Give Yourself Time

Healing from divorce takes time, grieving is a unique process; no one does it in the same way, and there is no timeline to recover, but it is up to you to heal and overcome. Yes, it takes time to heal, but do what you can to pull it through. Be patient, be understanding of yourself, do for you as you would do for a friend. Remember, it’s not the end of your life, it is the end of a chapter in your life, you have a whole range of opportunities waiting for you. Now is your chance to turn the page and write a new story. Spend time investing in your growth and development. You, and you alone, are in control of your life and in taking it to the next level. You need time to do more for yourself and learn more about yourself. Creating a better life requires effort and time to put yourself together, to find balance within, and change whatever needs to be changed. Your main focus should be on working on yourself, on finding your inner strength and on building your confidence, this is necessary to move towards better realisations. You need time to learn new skills and expand your horizons.

A summary of the main points, and a few tips to spark your breakthrough:

• Give yourself time
• Don’t go through this alone
• Take care of yourself, emotionally and physically
• Take time to explore your interests
• Think positively
• Read self-help books
• Keep a Journal
• Walk in nature
• Pray and meditate
• Set long term and short-term goals
• Learn a new skill
• Go to places you’ve never been before
• Do new things
• Start that diet
• Keep your mind, body and soul healthy
• Avoid power struggles and arguments with your former spouse
• Join the gym or a dancing club, or any activity of your interest
• Put some effort on how you look
• Attend learning events
• Make new connections
• Practice being more confident
• Bring out your creativity
• Get rid of toxic people
• Find a coach or mentor
• Choose to be a happier human being

Do everything to rise again. I know it’s always easier said than done, but there’s always a good side to every bad event. The breakup can be a blessing in disguise. Your reward for letting go is gaining freedom from your past, and the chance to create a new future. You are free and full of life, don’t let one little bump along the road keep you from living your life to the fullest. Appreciate the people around you, who value you enough to always stay by your side, no matter what. Make time for your family and friends who love you unconditionally. Join clubs, go to events, travel, get a new pet, focus on your goals, make new plans for the future. The list can go on and on, there are endless opportunities and adventures along your journey called Life. Give yourself another chance. Let your healing start now!

Contact me for further support.

Disclaimer: Please note this post may contain affiliate links, this means I may receive a commission for every clicked link at no extra cost to you. 

“It’s all over!” I had to bring up the courage and strength to end my long-term relationship. It was a very difficult decision but one that I had been longing for years. I spent days thinking what to say, what were the right words to use, whether to be rude and tell him to get out of my life, or to be soft and care about his feelings. I was deeply hurt and and angry at him, it had been years of emotional and physical abuse: lies, betrayals, manipulation and gaslighting were common in our twenty eight years long relationship. Therefore, I was unable to end it softly, I ended up swearing and telling him, “I want to restart my life and have plans, you are no longer part of my plans, so pack up your things and get the hell out of my life. Anything left behind will go to the trash!” (cut the profanity I used)

I was abroad when I made the decision. I took sometime away from home to figure out what was best for me and my kids. Living in a toxic environment had been damaging enough for all of us.

It took me days to decide whether to end the relationship or try and work it out one more time. But I knew that it was over, there was no chance things could go back to normal this time, his abuse went too far, things were worse than ever before and I was done with so much crap and disrespect.

I had been tolerating his narcissistic abuse for far too long, and fought to keep myself strong during those years. Everything from lies cheating, manipulation, gaslighting, bullying, taken advantage of, ignored, insulted, humiliated, hit, betrayed, shamed… there had been a lot I had taken in for far too long. If I still had some self-respect left I used it to end it all.

I was no longer proud to be his wife nor to use his surname, I was in disgust. I could no longer forgive and pretend everything was okay. He should have thought of his actions if he didn’t want to lose his family, but I guess he was used to me staying with him despite everything, therefore he wouldn’t care much. So why even try to give it another try?

After coming forward and saying what I needed to say there was no turning back, I was mentally prepared to not reverse my decision, even though it hurt it was the best way out of a miserable life.

After the text I sent him asking him to leave, I fell in a complete emotional breakdown. I was shocked and numb with disbelief. I would shiver nervously, I could not believe what was happening. Was it really over? It had been twenty eight years in the relationship – a lifetime…

I felt miserable, more than that, I felt desperate, the pain was unbearable. I thought about my adult children being apart from their dad, I thought about my six year old daughter that was going to grow up without her daddy, because he moved to another country, and it would break my heart to see her miss him, but at the same time it was better for her not to deal with so much conflict on a daily basis, and probably she would become another victim.

To say the minimum, I was distraught. Not only for the fact that I had ended a long term relationship for good, but for the fact that our family had been broken apart. Even though there was a lot I had endured during the relationship there was still a bond, after all we had four children and many years together; and I also knew about his negative childhood experiences and why he turned out a narcissist. I felt compassion for him but at the same time I could not deny the fact that he was a grown man with an abusive behaviour. It wasn’t only my emotions that were affected but also my confidence as a woman. He had taken away my femininity with so much manipulation, gaslighting and criticisms. I doubted my sanity at times, and my self-esteem was questionable. I had fought for years to raise my confidence but being with someone that had hardly anything loving to say, made it difficult.

It was a one sided relationship, since he lacked morals and decency, it was only me keeping the relationship going to keep the family together. But, I finally stopped rowing against the tide. He had been a little boy that was in a grown man’s body, and had been another child I had been taking care of.

For many months I denied that the end hurt, I was the one initiating the breakup, why was it painful? I thought I was abnormal, I couldn’t understand my emotions, was I going crazy?  My emotions were all over the place, I had mixed emotions during the grieving stage, at one moment I would be sad and doubtful, and on the next angry and confident with my decision.

As days went by reality hit harder, trying to go on with my normal life as if nothing had happened was a challenge: taking my child to school, going to work, going shopping, preparing meals, etc… the house felt empty. I missed him but kept denying the feeling – he hurt me deeply, how could I miss him? How could I still miss him despite wanting to be apart from him? My mind spinning around and my heart in pieces.

I was unable to cry because of how hurt I was. I blamed him for everything but at the same time hoped he was doing okay wherever he was. Crazy right?

Sleepless nights, anxiety taking over my mind, trying to look great and feel fine but my nerves were on the edge. My thoughts were overwhelming and reality very painful. It all felt surreal!

I had to face the truth, there was a reason, actually lots of reason for wanting the divorce, it was painful but I knew I would be okay one day, and would be glad it was over.

It took me months to understand my emotions, until then I was in denial and delusional: “maybe if I had had a different approach with him things would’ve been better, maybe it’s still possible that things could go back to normal,” but at the same time not wanting it to happen.

I just had to keep strong through each day, until one day I would get back on my feet again.

Divorce is stressful and painful, and going through the process triggers all sorts of unsettling and frightening emotions. Divorce represents the death of a marriage, and all the hopes and dreams that went into it. And like any other death, the end of a marriage requires a grieving process for healing.

There are Five Common Stages of Grief during and after divorce, these are:
⦁ Denial​​
⦁ Anger​​
⦁ Bargaining​​
⦁ Depression​​
⦁ Acceptance​​

Denial – this is when you find it hard to believe that your relationship is really over. Denial is resistance to change, it is the first stage of grief and it is a normal way of protecting yourself from suffering emotionally. Even though you may want your relationship to be over you don’t want to go through the pain of grief.

Anger​​ – anger normally hides many of the emotions and pain, it is a common emotion expressed during divorce, where you find it difficult to keep serene in the middle of strong and emotional period of your life; the only way to let out your pain is by raging and ranting.

Bargaining​​ – is a way of escaping pain and regain control, this is by doing something to reverse the situation, you hold on to hope and sabotage yourself into thinking that if you ignore each other’s differences your relationship will work. This is just your mind trying to come to terms with this major decision.​ During grief, it is natural to feel vulnerable and helpless. In those moments of intense emotions, it is normal to look for ways to regain control and do something to reverse the situation. In the bargaining period you may find yourself creating a lot of “what if” and “if only” statements. You may sabotage yourself by thinking that the relationship had its ups and downs but if you ignored the differences the marriage could work.

Depression​​ – is when you have realised that your relationship is really over. Sadness, lack of hope and loss of motivation are common during divorce; empty feelings and grief happen in a more intensive way. Some days you may feel unable to settle your feelings and thoughts and feel utter despair and hopelessness. ​During this stage intense sadness, lack of sleep and loss of motivation are common. After bargaining your attention moves straight to the present, to the reality of things. Empty feelings of grief present itself in a deeper level. This depressive condition seem as though it will last forever. This is not mental illness but a clear response to your great loss.

Acceptance – is the point when you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, even though still sad or angry, you are able to move on without your ex and look forward to something new. Just because you accept your divorce does not mean it makes you feel happy all of a sudden, you are not going to immediately be cured of all the grief as soon as you come to terms with it, but you finally realise that what has happened is real and that you need to move past it. At this time, you realise that the marriage is over, and there is no turning back. You begin to feel a sense of liberation and hope for the future. The obsessive thoughts have stopped, the need to heal your marriage is behind you, and you begin to feel that you can have a happy life without your ex being part of it. Your pain gives way to hope and you discover that there is life after divorce.

During the grieving time it is normal to go through a roller coaster of emotions and face each stage in a non-linear way. The experience may be different for everyone, depending on one’s personal situation, however you cannot avoid the roller coaster of emotions and a great deal of new practical challenges as you separate your two lives. For some the heartbreak may be amicable, for others the relationship may have weakened over the years, but the sense of loss will still be overwhelming. Anyhow, it is normal to feel a whole range of negative emotions.

There isn’t a correct order to your feelings, confusion and mixed feelings are normal – you will just have to allow them to flow and take it easy on yourself. Divorce is hard, this is a major loss in your life and you will need time to grieve even if you are the one who initiated the divorce.

How long does it take to emotionally recover from a divorce?

There is no timeline to recover from a divorce. Each person goes through the process of grieving in their own terms. How long it takes to recover may depend on a number of factors, including how long you were together, how good the relationship was and how attached you were to your spouse, whether the divorce was a surprise to you or not, whether you have children together, whether you or your spouse are involved in a new relationship, your level of confidence or your perspective of things. Even though many factors may count, your contribution and effort are of massive importance to help you get through the painful process faster. Self-love and self-care are most needed at this time for your own recovery.

A Divorce Coach is a professional whose mission is to empower others and support them through the tough process of divorce. Divorce coaches stand by you at the toughest moments and help you see that your break-up can actually be an amazing opportunity for you to create a life you want rather than living a life you don’t want.  We help you deal with your painful emotions and also work with you to create a plan for your new life and hold you accountable to achieve your goals. 

Divorce coaches are mostly seen as emotional support, and through my divorce coaching, I offer the service I needed when my marriage ended – a shoulder to cry on. I am here to console you through your pain. I am here to help you gain clarity about your current situation, help you overcome fears and obstacles that are keeping you stuck, and help you thrive and find happiness after divorce.

When you invest in me as your divorce coach my mission then will be to empower you through your healing period so that you may deal with your separation or divorce with resilience. I provide a listening ear and understanding, and together we will talk things through to redefine yourself and create the life you desire. Divorce is a process and a journey, and I will be your guide on your journey and support you through so that you can move forward into the future with confidence and pride. My support will keep you focused and grounded and make your healing journey softer.

I help my clients through different stages of divorce. I help them make the right decisions during the divorce process and also overcome various challenges they might face, such as personal well-being, parenting, conflict resolution and so much more.  I can help you get crystal clear about what you want, help you create a plan for your goals, and provide strategies and tools to make you achieve the desired goals in the most efficient way and the way that suits you best.

Pain and struggle of individuals facing divorce are somewhat similar, yet each one faces a unique set of challenges, therefore my approach as a divorce coach is flexible and varies from client to client.

When you approach me I will first assess your current situation. It is a normal conversation just to know you and the kind of issues you may be facing in your relationship and the root cause of the separation, also to know your mindset and your emotional state, and any other issues you may be facing, like parenting and finances. The assessment will simply be to identify your needs and goals. Most of the time clients approach me feeling their lowest: their self-esteem is at risk, they feel sad, resentful, angry, and guilty, and my job is to help them recover from the emotional damage and make them feel at peace again. 

As we go through life we are faced with a roller coaster of challenges and adversities along the way. This may bring fear, confusion, and other negative emotions that can lead us astray – resulting in unrealised desires and unfulfilled life. Getting caught up in this cycle can certainly lead to indecision and self-doubt and make you unmotivated, and most times entering a state of despair.

This is where Life Coaching comes in service.

A Life Coach is a professional that wills to empower others by helping them to look at what’s missing in their life and create plans to meet their once lost dreams.  Life coaching is designed to help and guide you from a state of desperation to a state of Inspiration.

When we live in a state of inspiration, every decision we make and we take supports our greater good and helps us reach our full potential in every area of our life. 

Life Coaching helps you to untangle that confused mind and unlock your life’s purpose, motivating you to take inspired actions in order for you to finally reach your own goals. 

. A wonderful form of Talking Therapy to the extent that turns people’s lives around;

. Looks to empower and help you make, meet and exceed goals in your life;

. Awakens your inner child so that you may live a fun and more exciting life. 

Going through a divorce and seeing your family breakdown can be agonising and awfully painful. A breakup or divorce can be one of the most stressful and emotional experiences in life. Whether you want it or not – the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole life upside down and trigger all sorts of painful emotions. 

During my divorce I felt extreme anger, I was resentful and disappointed, while sad and in shock with the end of the relationship. I was lost and confused, had restless nights, and couldn’t understand my mixed emotions. Sometimes I would assure myself that I was better off this way and other moments thinking that it had been the wrong decision. I felt delusional and would question my sanity at times. But even though I tried to deny my feelings they were there – raw and real. With this experience, I realized that even when a relationship is no longer good divorce or breakup can still be extremely painful, because it not only represents loss, but also the end of a partnership and commitments shared, and also when there are children involved you fear the impact it may cause on them. Hence the end of it represents disappointment, stress, and grief.

The end of a relationship launches you into unknown territory. Your life in general is disrupted. With all, it brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be without your partner? Will you cope on your own? Will you find someone else? Will you be able to give the best life to your children? These unknown questions can seem worse than being in an unhappy relationship, but it is important to remind yourself that you can and will get through this difficult experience and move on with a renewed sense of hope and optimism.

Despite the pain of breaking up, you can see it as a golden opportunity for you to redesign your life the way you choose to. I know it may seem challenging at first and so to help you I have created a system that will enable you to manage and cope with your own divorce, so that you may grab back control and move confidently into the new chapter of your life.

Going through a divorce is a serious process that demands much of your energy. Emotions run high when so many things are changing around you. You may find yourself stuck on negative thoughts circling round each other, it’s easy to begin feeling overwhelmed and desire some kind of emotional outlet, and the best way to vent out your haunting emotions is to keep a journal and write down everything you feel on a daily basis. Journaling is a tool that you can use at any time to bring out all your frustrations – something like a punching bag, “punching out” all those negative emotions.

Divorce always hits hard and leaves a whole trail of negative emotions – anger, fear, sadness, shame, guilt, and it’s easy to take the position of denial, turning away from what you’re really feeling and shoving them down. But that approach only works for so long, you won’t be able to keep denying your feelings and willing to heal at the same time, because the only way to release those feelings is to face them. By journaling you will avoid rumination, because journaling helps you with the process of dealing with each emotion that comes to surface. With each go-round, the emotions involved become a little less piercing and a little less scary.

The act of writing supports emotional healing and facilitates decision making. At the very least, journaling requires no more than a pen and a notebook. The commitment of a few minutes a day can literally change your life. It is a great way to let out emotions in a safe place. A journal is a safe place to purge those intense emotions. It will not judge you or shame you. It will absorb your tears and accept the pressure of your angry hand, at most.

The benefits of journaling are in releasing all that leaves you unsettled and miserable. Just by letting it out, you’ll find that you’re a little closer to letting it go. If you vent on social media or to an untrustworthy person you may regret, however, in a journal you have free rein to put down all your intense emotions and say whatever you wish. It’s always there for you, even if you have hired a divorce coach or a therapist, they are not readily available in that exact moment when you need to express something that’s bothering you, yet your journal is always there for you to write down your thoughts and feeling right when you need to.
Sometimes you might have things that you are not comfortable in sharing with anyone, not even a friend or a family member and journaling gives you the opportunity of expressing what you want and still keeping it to yourself.

When you write about how you feel, you naturally circle around the feeling, exploring what is really going on inside your mind and heart, you’re not just going over it, you’re making sense of it. This investigative quality helps to rationalize the feeling while providing some distance from the pain. Don’t think too much about what you’re writing, simply let it flow. Use that space to explore the issues that are currently troubling you. This is a time to try to bring some rational thoughts and problem solving into the practice.
In time, journaling through your divorce will help you see the bigger picture and help you decide how you want this chapter to fit within your life’s story. A record of your feelings will allow you to see your progress.

Additionally, journaling normally encourages one to look deeply within which leads to self-discovery and realizations. Divorce usually causes us to doubt ourselves and our own perceptions and conclusions. Perhaps you were played for a fool by a cheating spouse or discovered that the marriage you had was far from the one you thought you would have. Writing down your hurting emotions will help you reconnect with your true self and help you deal with some stubborn feelings. It is a powerful way to reconnect with your core self and heal from all the pain caused by your broken relationship.

Journaling fills the void and encourages healthy coping. There will be moments when you’re in crisis, when the tears threaten to drown you and the anger threatens to ignite. It’s easy to turn towards unhealthy coping strategies – alcohol, drugs, isolation, excessive sexual escapades, etc. If you’ve developed a habit of writing, your journal can become your refuge, your sanctuary in the storm.
Ensure your journal is secure from others’ eyes, specially your children. Your journal is for you to express any and all true feelings and frustrations that you’re going through with your ex, and you don’t want your children to know what is really going on, you want to protect their mental health as much, after all, they will still keep a relationship with your ex, and preventing them from negative thoughts toward him or her is crucial for their emotional well-being.

You can also make use of your journal to rewrite the story of our life, it is an opportunity to be intentional in what you want and how you want your new life to be. What do you want different from what was? What do you want to experience in your new life that you never experienced before? As you heal, your life starts to take another turn – write down your own journey as you become a new person. You’ll be going through many changes as you move from married to separated to divorced. Along the way it is good to record your achievements from the small wins you find each day.

Ways you can express yourself is through:

• Keeping a daily diary of how you feel
• Writing poems to express your feelings
• Write letters to your ex which you will never send. It is a good way to rant and let out your true feelings without compromising yourself as your ex will never know.

Finally, journaling will allow you to figure out what is most important to you. Writing is a therapeutic way of coming to peace with your emotions. So, try some of the ideas above and see what works best for you. There is nothing like the feeling of lifting yourself up by your own means, journaling is a process done for you, by you, and when that effort results in reduced pain and increased happiness you amplify your overall well-being. Processing your thoughts and emotions can help you overcome what needs to be left behind and help you become future-focused. Unlike the unfocused winding of rumination, journaling is direct. You will find yourself planning your new life as you heal, and seeing your thoughts and goals in writing will encourage a more rapid and complete healing. Having a journal can support you in your efforts to move forward in life, just seeing your feelings written down can give you a chance to analyse where you have been and where you want to be.

When we go through any kind of hardship in life, we have three choices: we can let it define us, let it destroy us, or we can let it strengthen us. The end of a relationship is a period of turbulence but also an opportunity for great transformation. As we try to identify everything that’s going on within our being, we are also looking to start rebuilding our life. This is the time to make wise, healthy, and life-affirming decisions as you take on the essential tasks of reinventing your life and setting up structures that will allow you to thrive after this transition.

A mental shift from victim to victorious is necessary to fully rise. Even though difficult, you want to avoid feeling sorry for yourself, even if things are not going right for you at this moment. It is normal in the beginning to dwell on the loss, to cry, grieve, vent out to your family and friends about every last detail, but after that, even though you’re still raw, it is important to make a deliberate mind shift from seeing yourself as a victim. Regardless of what your husband did or is still doing, you don’t want to make the pain of your divorce dis-empower you. Certainly, your negative feelings won’t disappear miraculously, and of course this isn’t a one-time mind shift – sadness and despair will kick in from time to time when you least expect, but you should know that it is in your power to turn things your way. You can be hurt but still make choices that will support you along the way, which will certainly benefit you in general, even after you’re fully recovered. There are simple steps to make you whole again. Little by little you will bloom and rise more empowered than ever before. It will take time but you will get there. One day you will notice that it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Though it’s easy to get lost in the heartache surrounding the end of your relationship your divorce can be the opportunity to draw your attention to what you really want in your life. Divorce can end the restrictions that prevented you from seeking a happier and more fulfilling life. After all, if your relationship has made you unhappy, stressed, or even depressed, then by getting out of that situation you give yourself the chance to go after what you want.

In many cases divorce is necessary, divorce can be a catalyst for positive change. If you were in a position where you simply couldn’t find happiness in your marriage then divorce is the opportunity to retake control of your life and find the future that works for you. It is the perfect opportunity to develop self-esteem, confidence and strength. Perhaps, just perhaps, your divorce is exactly what you need in order to go after something new, something better. There is absolutely no reason to settle when you have the opportunity to be free and happy again. The end of your marriage is not the end of your existence, you have the right to make a decision and make the best out of your life.

Divorce provides the freedom that allows you to open a new chapter in your life

Sometimes it’s better to let go of the things that are broken and far beyond repair, instead of wasting time trying to fix them. If a relationship cannot work then both sides need closure. Even though you may miss each other from time to time, you will gain more from the break-up and from the freedom that will allow you to look for things that will work for you, things that will enrich your lives in a beautiful way. No-one should be forced to live a life that’s filled with unhappiness, sometimes relationships simply don’t work – and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Ending a broken relationship can give you the opportunity to explore and discover something more interesting and fulfilling that will promote your joy and happiness. Divorce can give you the chance to explore other and more fulfilling relationships.

Divorce helps you escape a conflict-rich relationship

Divorce can allow you to escape a negative atmosphere and discover a new life. It can provide a sense of freedom which comes when extracting yourself from a toxic environment. With a divorce you are finally free from all the drama and in power to move on to a better and more promising life.

Divorce saves you from a narcissist

If you were a victim of narcissistic abuse you’ve probably been lied to, lied about, cheated on, taken advantage of, manipulated, gaslighted, bullied, harassed, ignored, insulted, humiliated, choked, hit, cyberstalked and shamed. With the divorce you are finally free from all the crap! This is where you experience the sweetness of emotional freedom.

With past experience you learnt how to establish and protect your boundaries. You’ve learnt what strength really is, and how those who seek to control others are the real weak ones. You’ve been to hell and back and now have the opportunity to shine again. You are now available to experience true love, and willing to know how it feels. You are free to laugh again and to love yourself unconditionally.

You have more time to relax

Marriage comes with a whole bunch of responsibilities, and you are leaner to do more for the spouse and children, whereby you end up not getting enough time for yourself. After divorce you are able to relax and spend time enjoying your own company. You have time to think and balance your thoughts, you are able to take a break and reenergize whenever you feel overwhelmed. As a single and independent person, you are able to focus on yourself more, as a result you are able to make better choices that lead to your overall well-being.

You can realise your dreams

As a couple it is more likely for your dreams to conflict with the desires of your spouse. With divorce, you are able to sit and go through your lifelong desires and plan to realize them without a second opinion. It is now, up to you to make it happen.

You get your happiness back

Doing what pleases you and spending your time as you wish is living to the fullest. Happiness comes when we realise the things we want and make it come true. After divorce you have the opportunity to explore and find out what you really want. Divorce can be the key to building the life you desire.

You get to love yourself again

After a breakup you want to be willing to work on yourself in order to raise the quality of your life. Self-care is essential to boost your self-esteem. Anything you do for your own benefit will yield positive results. Confidence and self-love empower you and are the most attractive qualities. The secret to attracting true love is to truly love yourself first. When you’re kind to yourself, you’re kinder to everyone else – you are a happier person. You are more fun to be around. Self-love helps you look after your mental and physical health.

You have the opportunity to find the right person for you

One failed relationship should not stop you from finding love again. Falling in love is one of the best experiences in life. After a broken relationship you are more certain of what you want in a new relationship: someone you deserve. It feels so good to be loved and admired by one special person. Having someone to love and share your experiences should be in the top of your wishing list. You can turn your life around by simply opening up to love again. So, make it happen.

You reunite with friends

You’re single, you can go out whenever you want and meet up with your friends. You can go out with no curfew, you have no one controlling you or no one to give explanations to. You can do it as you wish.

Create a new career

Like me, you may use your painful experience to create a new career. With my divorce experience I chose to become a Transformational Coach and help women around the world that go through the same. I have a lot of experience when it comes to relationship and motherhood. Being in a narcissistic relationship for twenty eight years caused me a lot of suffering but also gave me lessons for life that I’m now able to share with others. I normally say that my pain pushed me to look for a way out of pain, this led me to personal development, where I studied Positive Psychology, Paradigm Shifting, Spiritual Awakening, and more. I used suffering to work in my favour. And you can do the same, try to find out what you can learn from the experience and put it to work for you in a positive way.

Better relationship with your ex

Did you know that some people get to have a better relationship with their ex-husband or wife after a divorce? This is because there is a mutual respect that is developed after the break-up, you both realize that you are better off being friends than married, as it works better this way.

You become a better parent

While divorce will always be a complicated process, it can be much better than exposing children to a negative environment. It is unhealthy for children to witness their parents showing each other lack of respect and decency. As a parent, it is your responsibility to be a positive role model for your kids, and to be so you have to be in your best state of mind.
If parents want to do what is right for their children’s overall well-being, they will try and find a way to get along, or at least pretend to get along for the sake of their children once they are separated. When children are no longer being exposed to continuing aggression and resentment in their everyday living environment, they will feel more stable and confident. Of course, during divorce there is confusion and adjustments for the entire family, however, even taking all of the negatives into account, divorce can often be the best thing for everyone involved, including children.

You can improve your physical and mental health

Getting a divorce can also improve your physical and mental health. Strenuous relationships are huge causes of deteriorating health. A bad relationship can become incredibly stressful, and there is only so much stress that your body can take. With a divorce you are more able to focus and spend more time on yourself and improve your overall well-being.

You Become More Self-Aware

If you are interested in learning more about yourself, there is not a single better event to go through in your life than divorce. You will finally have the opportunity to understand what you need to be happy. As a married couple you were more focused on the needs of your spouse and the needs of your children, and focused on trying to keep the relationship together, not considering your own needs. Divorce will equip you with phenomenal coping skills, forcing you to turn your focus on you, which will prepare you for many different situations in the future. You will finally have a strong understanding of what you need in life, how much pain you can handle, and how to avoid toxic relationships. Divorce will equip you with strength and tenacity, you will be a pro at considering what’s best for you.

Feeling Confident Once Again

It’s normal to come out of a conflicting relationship feeling hurt and disappointed. Through arguments many things were said that shouldn’t have been said, and those hurtful and offensive words kept you in a bubble of insecurity. Once divorced and able to get rid of a negative influence in your life you will begin to see all of the greatest things about yourself, this will raise your confidence and help you appreciate yourself again.

All too often, we don’t recognize the opportunities in life. We see obstacles instead of openings. Divorce is a perfect example of hidden opportunities. At first you are unable to see what lies ahead of you because pain blinds you, but as you heal you will realize that the step of freeing yourself from what wasn’t good for you opens you up to a wide range of possibilities. The end of your relationship is an amazing opportunity for excitement and newness. Your mission now is to expand what’s possible and add fresh new horizons and interests into your life. Look ahead, what can you do for your life to make it better? Focus on finding good things to do, and meet positive people that will help enrich your days. Invest in something that will make you feel better every day.

Consider your freedom as an excellent opportunity to create a life you want, it can be the best time to redefine yourself, learn more of who you are, do things you love to do that you wouldn’t do when you were in the relationship, learn new skills, travel, meet new people (you never know what can emerge from there), and much more. You can see it as an opportunity to create your life in your own terms since you are now in total control.

What are you seeking? What do you need? Look around. Is your situation right now close to what you really want? If you look hard enough, you will see that you may have been gifted with the opportunity to restart in order to create the things that you always desired.

Breakups are painful but they don’t have to leave you broken and hopeless. There are 3 Steps to getting through and over a break-up so that you may move forward with confidence:

1. Acknowledgment

It’s normal to have a roller coaster of mixed emotions. You have to acknowledge and understand that anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, confusion – just to name a few – are part of the normal, natural, and necessary grieving process. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the healing process. Give yourself some time to feel and to function at a less optimal level. You need time to heal and time to put your thoughts together. And it is at this stage that you most need someone to talk to and a shoulder to cry on. Sharing your feelings with a close friend or family can help you get through this difficult period. It is important to get support from someone who has been through the emotional ride of divorce to make the healing journey easier, this will massively reduce your tension. If for any reason you become worried about something then help is only a phone call away. It is a difficult time, divorce is an exhausting experience and you don’t want to go through it alone. Talking about how you feel will always make you feel better.

Allowing yourself to feel the pain of your loss may be scary, you may fear that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever and this is why grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. No matter how strong your grief is, it won’t last forever.

2. Breakup

Delete all forms of contact! After a breakup, it is tempting to go on social media to see what your ex is up to but this is something you want to avoid. Deleting all of their contacts is the best thing to do. Delete them on social media, delete their texts, delete their emails, even block them. You must do this for your own sake. Avoid all contacts, you don’t want any reminders of them in your life if you want to move on. Checking on them will cause you more damage than good. Doing so will be like scratching your wounds, this will delay your healing. The relationship is over, so you must want to turn the page and restart a new chapter in your life. What good will it do for you to know about them? Instead, focus on getting to know yourself again. Find out who you want to be now that you have a fresh start. Even though it hurts in the beginning you will eventually get over it, you just have to be patient, look after yourself, and allow time to do its job. Be happy that he is now some other woman’s problem and not yours, be thrilled instead about what’s coming next – definitely different and better.

3. Recovery

When you have finally grieved and mourned the relationship you’re ready to move on. You are ready to celebrate the opportunity to rediscover yourself. You’re ready to figure out what you like, ready to meet new people, and celebrate the opportunity to do things you were unable to do when you were in the relationship. You realize that you still have a future. Ultimately, as you work through your emotional issues, you are able to move forward and create a new and vibrant life. The good news is that after divorce new hopes and dreams will eventually emerge. You will be able to see the advantages of starting anew and the opportunity to chase your dreams, and this is how you will know you are moving forward – when you begin to build a life worth living.

After a painful breakup, you need some time to process what happened and what to do to move forward.  No matter the circumstances of your split, your feelings are valid and you need enough time and emotional distance to recompose. It’s important to understand that breakups take time, recovery is a process, acknowledging and respecting that can help you create a healthy and authentic path to growth and healing. Don’t feel guilty for needing your time alone. Allow the range of sadness, hurt, anger, frustration, fear, even hate come to you; face them, experience them and move through them, be as compassionate toward yourself as you would be to a friend whose heart had just been broken.

Even though keeping yourself busy is a great way to get over a breakup, when it is recent you need enough alone time to grieve.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed and lost, and have the need to distance yourself from your social life it is best to do so. It’s okay not to answer the phone, it’s okay to want to stay on your own – you are fixing yourself, you have a lot to process and need to put your head on straight.

I remember how I shut down to the world when I was trying to understand what was going on inside me.  “I just want to be left alone,” were my thoughts. I didn’t want to talk to anybody, I wouldn’t visit or call any family member or friends; I would decline invitations for gatherings and parties. The last thing I wanted was to be on social events acting happy when I felt a wreck. I didn’t want to be a  victim either, so it was best for them not to see me at my worst. I needed the time to understand my emotions and to learn how to cope. I took it as a therapy – I knew I would be fine, but at that moment I needed to heal and it felt right to be alone. I later explained to my family and friends why I had distanced myself, in which they understood.

It is okay not to be okay. Healing happens with acceptance when you allow your emotions to flow. Don’t be afraid to feel the pain, it will hurt more and take longer if you don’t deal with it from the start. I normally tell my clients that you have to feel, deal, in order to heal. You can’t heal unless you deal with it, you can’t deal with it unless you know what you’re feeling. Be present with whatever you’re feeling, you can’t run away from it because it is there, hurting. So, give yourself permission to mourn. 

It’s okay – you will be okay, sooner than you think you will be thriving and feeling alive again. It takes one day at a time. There’s no getting around it: breakups are painful, even if they’re handled with compassion. They can shake you to your very core, causing you to question your confidence and your faith in love itself. And in those first few brutal days and weeks, you’ve got every right to feel inconsolable. In time you will be back on your feet again and will be looking forward to your new life ahead.