Questioning your decision is a normal reaction when you’re going through such a hard thing like divorce. You find yourself asking should you give them another chance? Should you forgive them? If going back is the right thing? So many questions go through your head. At this time, your mind fights to face this reality, and you may dwell on the decision for quite some time.
Like I said, denial is a normal reaction when you’re going through such a painful process like divorce, at this time your mind fights to face this reality and you might dwell on the decision for quite some time. Come on, we’re talking about divorce here we’re talking about the breakup of a family, of years of coexistence, and memories and experiences you went through as a couple, as a family. so it’s absolutely normal to be in denial for quite some time.
Denial is resistance to change, it provides some kind of comfort, because it allows you to distance yourself from this overwhelming reality; but the truth is, you want to let go, you just don’t want to go through the pain of letting go. Change is painful.
So I’m going to give you four guaranteed ways for you to get emotionally detached from this person. I’m talking about four healthy ways to do so.
So this is:
1) Remind yourself why the relationship wasn’t working, what were the problems? The truth is, these problems haven’t disappeared.
Just remind yourself of the things that you might be overlooking right now, the real causes for wanting the break up.
2) Do not fight your feelings. Do not fight how you feel. There will be moments that you will miss this person, even if ‘ve hurt you so much; and beating yourself up and fighting these feelings will only make you feel worse, it’s like being caught in a net – the more you fight it the more entangled you become.
It’s best to cry and allow the emotions to flow; to accept that that’s how you feel right now.
3) The third thing to help you detach emotionally from this person is to engage in things that you enjoy; things that give you purpose, that give you meaning – things that keep you excited and productive.
I’m not talking about being busy to numb the pain, I’m talking about things that will be of value as you move forward.
As you work on these things you focus on progress and growth.
4) The fourth thing for you to detach emotionally from your ex is to have someone to hold you accountable, is to have someone by your side – to help you through this tough process.
It’s hard to deal with all the things when we’re trying to do it all by ourselves. Having someone compassionate and understanding will help you cope better at this, they will be by your side when you have a moment of weakness, they will remind you what you have to do to help yourself; and maybe they went through a breakup before, even better, because they can assure you that it’s going to be hard for quite some time, but you’ll be okay one day, you will overcome, you will be happy again.
So if you take these steps you will detach from them, you will gradually break the bond, break the connection – it is a progressive process, you will notice that you are slowly detaching, you will notice the attachment is weakening, slowly fading away. Where before you would think of this person constantly, now it’s once in a blue moon. This is progress! And one day you will notice that you are hundred percent free, and finally over them for good.
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