Going through a divorce is a serious process that demands much of your energy. Emotions run high when so many things are changing around you. You may find yourself stuck on negative thoughts circling round each other, it’s easy to begin feeling overwhelmed and desire some kind of emotional outlet, and the best way to vent out your haunting emotions is to keep a journal and write down everything you feel on a daily basis. Journaling is a tool that you can use at any time to bring out all your frustrations – something like a punching bag, “punching out” all those negative emotions.
Divorce always hits hard and leaves a whole trail of negative emotions – anger, fear, sadness, shame, guilt, and it’s easy to take the position of denial, turning away from what you’re really feeling and shoving them down. But that approach only works for so long, you won’t be able to keep denying your feelings and willing to heal at the same time, because the only way to release those feelings is to face them. By journaling you will avoid rumination, because journaling helps you with the process of dealing with each emotion that comes to surface. With each go-round, the emotions involved become a little less piercing and a little less scary.
The act of writing supports emotional healing and facilitates decision making. At the very least, journaling requires no more than a pen and a notebook. The commitment of a few minutes a day can literally change your life. It is a great way to let out emotions in a safe place. A journal is a safe place to purge those intense emotions. It will not judge you or shame you. It will absorb your tears and accept the pressure of your angry hand, at most.
The benefits of journaling are in releasing all that leaves you unsettled and miserable. Just by letting it out, you’ll find that you’re a little closer to letting it go. If you vent on social media or to an untrustworthy person you may regret, however, in a journal you have free rein to put down all your intense emotions and say whatever you wish. It’s always there for you, even if you have hired a divorce coach or a therapist, they are not readily available in that exact moment when you need to express something that’s bothering you, yet your journal is always there for you to write down your thoughts and feeling right when you need to.
Sometimes you might have things that you are not comfortable in sharing with anyone, not even a friend or a family member and journaling gives you the opportunity of expressing what you want and still keeping it to yourself.
When you write about how you feel, you naturally circle around the feeling, exploring what is really going on inside your mind and heart, you’re not just going over it, you’re making sense of it. This investigative quality helps to rationalize the feeling while providing some distance from the pain. Don’t think too much about what you’re writing, simply let it flow. Use that space to explore the issues that are currently troubling you. This is a time to try to bring some rational thoughts and problem solving into the practice.
In time, journaling through your divorce will help you see the bigger picture and help you decide how you want this chapter to fit within your life’s story. A record of your feelings will allow you to see your progress.
Additionally, journaling normally encourages one to look deeply within which leads to self-discovery and realizations. Divorce usually causes us to doubt ourselves and our own perceptions and conclusions. Perhaps you were played for a fool by a cheating spouse or discovered that the marriage you had was far from the one you thought you would have. Writing down your hurting emotions will help you reconnect with your true self and help you deal with some stubborn feelings. It is a powerful way to reconnect with your core self and heal from all the pain caused by your broken relationship.
Journaling fills the void and encourages healthy coping. There will be moments when you’re in crisis, when the tears threaten to drown you and the anger threatens to ignite. It’s easy to turn towards unhealthy coping strategies – alcohol, drugs, isolation, excessive sexual escapades, etc. If you’ve developed a habit of writing, your journal can become your refuge, your sanctuary in the storm.
Ensure your journal is secure from others’ eyes, specially your children. Your journal is for you to express any and all true feelings and frustrations that you’re going through with your ex, and you don’t want your children to know what is really going on, you want to protect their mental health as much, after all, they will still keep a relationship with your ex, and preventing them from negative thoughts toward him or her is crucial for their emotional well-being.
You can also make use of your journal to rewrite the story of our life, it is an opportunity to be intentional in what you want and how you want your new life to be. What do you want different from what was? What do you want to experience in your new life that you never experienced before? As you heal, your life starts to take another turn – write down your own journey as you become a new person. You’ll be going through many changes as you move from married to separated to divorced. Along the way it is good to record your achievements from the small wins you find each day.
Ways you can express yourself is through:
• Keeping a daily diary of how you feel
• Writing poems to express your feelings
• Write letters to your ex which you will never send. It is a good way to rant and let out your true feelings without compromising yourself as your ex will never know.
Finally, journaling will allow you to figure out what is most important to you. Writing is a therapeutic way of coming to peace with your emotions. So, try some of the ideas above and see what works best for you. There is nothing like the feeling of lifting yourself up by your own means, journaling is a process done for you, by you, and when that effort results in reduced pain and increased happiness you amplify your overall well-being. Processing your thoughts and emotions can help you overcome what needs to be left behind and help you become future-focused. Unlike the unfocused winding of rumination, journaling is direct. You will find yourself planning your new life as you heal, and seeing your thoughts and goals in writing will encourage a more rapid and complete healing. Having a journal can support you in your efforts to move forward in life, just seeing your feelings written down can give you a chance to analyse where you have been and where you want to be.