The end of a marriage can feel like the end of the world. Even if you’re certain it was the best decision you will still mourn the end of your relationship, the end of your life as a couple and as a family; this can easily make you feel lost and frustrated. Going through this major transition changes everything, not only physically but it also messes up your mind and emotions in a significant way. During this time it is easy to feel unmotivated and depressed, and ignore your own needs. Hence, it is important to acknowledge where you are at this moment, and validate what you’re going through and understand why you feel so emotional and mentally distressed. This is the time you mostly need yourself, meaning prioritizing your mental wellbeing and recognize that healing depends on your effort and commitment to do what’s necessary for you to recover.
Healing is a process, and it will take you some time to adjust to your new life and feel whole again. This will require making some changes and do things that are necessary for your breakthrough.
Bellow are three simple steps that are essential for your recovery.
Get Some Time Away From Your Ex
After your break-up you definitely need as much time as possible away from your ex. You need time to process your emotions and recompose, time to get over them and time to figure out what you want and don’t want for your new life.
Separating from your ex partner doesn’t always mean you will have that required space and time to heal. They may call or text you to get back, or use the kids as an excuse to continue showing up unexpectedly. It is important to set boundaries from the beginning. You want to avoid any kind of drama at the moment. Try to prepare a plan that will work for you and make them aware that you will only be available at a certain time for them to talk to the kids.
Get some space away, not only physically but online too, and also from people who have close contact with them, so that you don’t fall into the trap of talking or hearing about them.
Avoid places they normally frequent, temporarily block them on social media. I don’t mean in a hateful manner, it’s just to give yourself time to recompose. It’s up to you then if you want to keep them distant or allow them to be part of your circle of friends. Many couples have a great relationship after divorce, as long as there’s mutual respect and you are both easy to get along with, I think it’s healthy for everyone; and if you have children together, they will definitely benefit from the harmony.
Talk To Someone You Trust and Do small exercises to help yourself
It’s always good to talk about the end of your marriage with your kids and loved ones. Your children need help processing this major change in their lives as much as you, so check in with them and talk about your shared struggles. Your close friends and family could hold you while you cry and privately discuss the more complicated details.
If you feel that you’re not having enough support, professional help should be one thing to consider. A therapist or a coach may be able to help you work through your emotions with the right strategies.
Remember that caring about yourself is important, try to keep, or implement good habits that will help you feel good about yourself.
If you feel stressed and frustrated and you think that those emotions are getting on the way to keep you sane, try to manage them by doing one of the following exercises:
. Try journaling to express what you feel – this exercise can help you feel less overwhelmed when disposing on paper the anger and frustration that you may be carrying. Grieve – cry, let it out.
. Practice meditation to calm your mind and bring balance.
. Take walks in nature to disconnect from everything and feel the benefits of unwinding.
. Practice gratitude – write down what you are grateful for right now, find as many things as you can to appreciate – this exercise can help you recognize the positive things that are still happening in your life, and as a result, reduce the tension and desperation.
Listen to Your Body
Sometimes, if not always, we try to push through pain, suppressing our emotions and living like there’s nothing going on. Living with internalized emotions is consuming, it can impact your life and also affect your health. It is important to validate how you feel, both emotionally and physically. There may be times that you might need extra sleep after an emotional and challenging day; other days you may feel restless and feel unable to stay still in bed, and it is okay. Healing doesn’t have to look pretty and easy. Real healing is hard, it’s exhausting and draining. So allow yourself to go through it without trying to paint it as anything other that what it is. Be there for yourself with no judgment; validate how you feel, both emotionally and physically.