Hiding emotions is one major mistake that many do after a breakup, specially when the relationship ends on bad terms. I am guilty of this, I confess.
Normally people mask their feelings by making jokes or sharing jokes, by taking pictures smiling to show that they are doing just fine without the other person. They make sure to take a lot of pictures of themselves having a good time. Some even jump straight to another relationship as that seems to be the best way to get back at the other person.
This is a painful way of dealing with strong emotions. The more you pretend to be okay the more you will suffer.
Just be honest with how you feel, be honest with yourself, specially. No one is asking you to pretend, no one is expecting anything from you, to be honest. This is a battle between you; It’s you verses you here, because no one really knows what’s going on inside of you.
Try to be more honest with your feelings and you will feel much better. Instead of feeling anguish and bitterness you can transform those feelings to a sweet sadness. It’s okay to be sad. We all experience sadness in life sometimes and it’s okay.
I want to share with you one very strong experience I went through and how I helped myself.
In 2016 my mum passed away from brain tumor, It was the hardest thing I had ever experienced, until then. I was completely devastated. I would cry out loud, in total despair, as if something was tearing me apart from my inside. It was the most painful and saddest thing I had ever experienced, it seemed as if I would never ever feel normal again.
Inconsolable, I closed myself in my room, for months I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t want to face anything or deal with anything, all I wanted was to be left alone in my grief. There were moments of utter despair, I couldn’t rationalize what was really going on. I was suffering from severe panic attacks and no one could help me with my pain.
At that time my relationship was going downhill, as he wouldn’t understand why I was still suffering after three months, five months, seven months…for him I was overreacting, I was being too dramatic.
Well I couldn’t contain myself, I was in a horrible nightmare, one I couldn’t get out of. I would forget things, I had extreme difficulty in concentrating and remembering things, I would burn the food and buy the wrong clothes size for my daughter. I was at the peak of a severe mental breakdown.
One day I decided to leave my room and started going to a local park on my own. I knew the time that the park was mostly empty, and I would stay there for two/three hours, until I felt better to go back home. I just wanted to be there, I didn’t care about anything else.
I would take my phone and headphones to listen to some motivational podcasts while I was there, I did this with the intention of helping myself, maybe some positive and uplifting words would help me. But no, I didn’t need motivational speeches at that time, what I needed was to face my pain and grieve my mum’s death.
There I was, surrounded by nature, what a great place to express my deepest feelings. I would cry, I would sit or stand, sometimes I would remove my shoes and just touch the earth with my bare feet. I would ask for healing, I would ask for it’s powerful energy to enter my body through my feet and fill my being with its energy. I would connect as much with nature: touch trees, feel the softness of rose petals and tree leafs, listen to the birds, to the wind blowing the trees. As if nothing else existed, only me and those precious moments.
I would walk up and down in very gentle steps, I would follow my being’s desire.
There was one specific day that I remember hearing one of my mom’s favorite songs playing, instantly I tensed up and became extremely emotional, just listening to the instrumental part of the song would pierce my heart. I knew I had to get over the emotions related to that specific song, so at the park I started listening to it repeatedly, over and over again, and every time I did I would cry uncontrollably. I did it again and again until I didn’t feel the urge to cry anymore.
Surprisingly, I felt free, fearless and a deep sense of grounding. I started to recover, and for the very first time in years I felt so good, so liberated.
Admirably I felt strongly connected to my mum, there was no despair anymore, It seemed like that obsession had diminished. Instead of death I felt infinite life.
This is just to show you the power of facing your feelings instead of avoiding them. There is true healing in grieving!
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