The end of a relationship is painful because it is the end of something that was once precious to you. It is the end of your family, the end of hopes and dream, and seeing it all fall apart is devastating. There were many moments shared together as a couple and as a family, that are now just memories. Everything’s lost, nothing is ever the same. Everything changes, your whole life takes a new turn, you’re suddenly forced to adapt to a new life without your partner.
Your emotions run high as you grieve your divorce; you go through the initial shock where you experience numbness and panic, you fear the unknown, restarting on your own is scary and you have trouble accepting the end of your relationship. You miss your ex, which is normal – even though you may have been apart sometime before the breakup, it is natural to miss the person you had a life with.
You are heartbroken, you may be struggling with lack of confidence and very low self-esteem – which is very normal after divorce. You may be struggling with parenting, which is understandable, being you a single mum; you fear to face financial challenges and question if you’re going to make it on your own. You may also be afraid your partner may find someone new and move on very quickly. Worry, frustration, confusion…it is so very normal to go through a range of emotions.
So, how do you go about dealing with all those muddled emotions?
First, it is important that you to understand what is going on inside of you, you are going through a very hard time, you are grieving the breakup of your family, so it is super normal for you to feel heartbroken and devastated. It is important that you acknowledge your emotions and allow each one of them to come to surface, don’t try to ignore or suppress them, trying to ignore or keeping your emotions from surfacing can delay your healing. The only way out of pain is through the pain itself.
Venting out!
1) Cry – cry all you need to Cry, crying is the body’s natural way of releasing pain. You can’t avoid your tears from falling, if you feel the need let them flow. Cry until one day you have no need to cry anymore.
2) Talk to someone – talk to someone you trust, it can be a family member, a friend, a coach or a therapist, the important thing is that you let out all that is hurting inside. If you have someone that has gone through the heartache of divorce even better, that person can understand how you feel, help you through your grief, and even assure you that you will be okay one day.
3) Use a Journal – if you don’t feel comfortable to share how you feel with anyone, or if you don’t have anyone close that you can trust, writing down how you feel is a good option. You can even write a letter to your ex spouse and tell him how he made you feel, how angry and disappointed you are. Vent out all that you feel, there are no limitations and no restrictions, just say it all! Of course you’re not going to send the letter, it is just a way of expressing your painful emotions in a healthy way and with no regrets. Once you’re done you can either burn it or keep it in a safe place where no one can have access to it.
4) Punch or Scream on a Pillow – if you have built up anger, punching or screaming on a pillow can be a good way to vent out your frustrations. Anger normally hides many of the emotions and pain, it is a common emotion expressed during divorce, where you find it difficult to keep serene in the middle of strong and emotional period of your life, the only way to let out your pain is by raging and ranting.
You can use all your energy, since it doesn’t feel pain anyway. This is a good therapy!
5) Go for a Walk in Nature – I personally love walks in nature. You can leave all your responsibilities and chores behind and go with your emotions to a place where you are surrounded by nature. Just being there with your deepest feelings, for as long as you need, is liberating!
6) Exercise or go for a Jog – if you prefer, exercising or going for a jog is also a good way of soothing your pain. It is refreshing and calming, and can help you distract your mind from all the burden.
7) Pray and Meditate – praying is a good way of letting out your emotions. Telling God/ your higher source how you feel, sharing your deepest emotions without feeling judged or condemned is a good way of calming yourself. You will not feel alone, instead, you will feel a warmth and an energy of love surrounding you, and that’s what you most need at this time. Even though still sad, you will be able to dissolve your anger and feel more at peace with yourself. Then you can sit in meditation and notice what’s going on inside and deal with each emotion in a healthier way.
After a painful breakup you need some time to process what happened and what to do to move forward. No matter the circumstances of your split, your feelings are valid and you need enough time to recompose. You need time to mourn the end of what was once your life. It is okay to cry, to scream, to hate, to rage… it is the only way to heal. Grieving is the process that will restore your broken heart. The purpose of grieving is to help you deal with your conflicting emotions, so that you can come to terms with the end of your relationship in a healthy way. The cure for pain is in the pain itself, there is no way around it. Your healing journey only starts the moment you face and deal with all those troubled emotions.