In the past weeks, we explored what it feels like to finally loosen the weight of always being “the strong one” – the woman who carries it all, hides her tired heart, and keeps showing up even when no one shows up for her.
This week, I want to take you deeper into why that happened.
Because you weren’t born the “strong one.”
You became her.
You built her.
You needed her.
And the moment you understand why, softness becomes safer… and healing becomes possible.
💛 What Are Emotional Defense Mechanisms?
Emotional defense mechanisms are the automatic, unconscious ways your mind learnt to protect you when you didn’t feel safe, supported, or emotionally held.
They often look like strength.
But underneath, they are survival.
Here are a few that many women carry:
✨ Over-functioning
Becoming hyper-responsible so you never become a burden.
✨ Emotional suppression
Believing that feeling less means hurting less.
✨ People-pleasing (the fawn response)
Keeping everyone happy so you stay loved, needed, or “safe.”
✨ Hyper-independence
The quiet belief:
“I have to handle it all, because no one else will.”
These weren’t flaws…
They were brilliant adaptations.
Your younger self found ways to stay safe – emotionally, psychologically, or even physically.
But now?
These protections may be keeping you from the love, softness, support, and belonging you actually desire.
💛 The Moment Healing Begins
Healing begins the moment you realise:
Your defenses were once necessary,
but they no longer have to lead your life.
You can thank the woman who learnt to survive…
and begin becoming the woman who is ready to live.
The woman who trusts she can lean.
The woman who believes she is held.
The woman who no longer hides behind strength…
because she is finally safe enough to be soft.
This awareness is the beginning of coming home to yourself.
📖 Visions of a Healed Woman – A Journey Back to Self, Worth & Radiance
My newest book, Visions of a Healed Woman, was written from the perspective of the woman you are becoming – grounded, joyful, soft, and whole.
Through poetic reflections and tender truths, it guides you from seeking to knowing… from longing to belonging. It gently mirrors back your strength, your softness, and your inherent worth.
The eBook version is available, and the printed edition will be released soon, for those who prefer to hold their healing in their hands.
This book is a companion – a warm presence beside you as you reclaim the pieces of yourself that once hid behind armour.
💬 A Part of My Story (Because I’ve Lived This Too)
I share this week’s topic not just as a teacher, but as a woman who had to unlearn her own emotional armour.
For many years, I served others non-stop – even when I was exhausted, even while raising my three little children, even when my body whispered that I was breaking. I kept giving, helping, fixing, and pleasing… hoping someone would finally see me, appreciate me, or simply say, “You matter.”
But the more unappreciated I felt, the more I did.
I tried to prove I was useful.
That I was valuable.
That I was worth keeping.
And somewhere in that constant survival-performance, I lost myself.
I became lifeless and hollow.
I didn’t know what my needs were.
I didn’t know what I liked.
I didn’t know who I was anymore.
But everything changed when I finally turned that devoted, nurturing energy back toward myself.
I became aware of how deeply I had abandoned myself – and how long I had been waiting for validation that never came. So I began the hardest, most important practice of my life:
I learnt to say no.
It felt impossible at first.
It shook relationships.
Some people resented it.
But I didn’t care anymore – not in a cold way, but in a healed way.
I cared about how I felt.
I cared about coming home to myself.
Choosing myself didn’t make me selfish.
It made me whole.
And now, when I serve, I serve from the heart – not forcefully, not from emptiness, fear, or obligation, but from overflow, from choice, and from genuine care.
💛 Multiple Ways I Can Support You 🤍🤍
If you’re looking for a listening ear, wanting flexible ways to support yourself, or hoping to blend coaching with self-guided tools, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
I’ve gathered all my coaching services – traditional sessions or email coaching – along with programs and free resources in one place.
Explore what resonates with your heart and your path.
Everything is designed to hold you gently, nurture you deeply, and help you move forward with clarity and peace.
👉 Click here to explore everything in one place
🌸 Final Thought
Softness is not something you earn – it is something you return to.
And every time you loosen your armour, even a little,
you come home to yourself.
💛 If You’d Like to Support My Work
Your support helps me continue creating tools, books, and reflections that nurture healing and empowerment for all. If you’d like to contribute, you can do so here.